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10/05/2022

5:13PM

59°F rain off and on 🌧

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it's already regretably october. i say that because another summer passed by too soon and i've already started using my therapy light. it's been raining non-stop for days T_T

i'm a bit burnt out/drained lately (which tbh is more like all the time) and i think i might withdrawl from the online world for a bit and take a break. i removed some of the more personal pages on my main site temporarily just because the weight of having a lot of eyes on my site is starting to wear me down. i just started another website on a new host and am thinking of a cute domain :I i dont know what the end goal will be but i just wanted to make a lil corner space to feel more comfortable about sharing my personal life. i've password protected the pages and will just share it with friends or something.. i feel a bit sad about it because that's how cinni.net started, but now im close to 3million hits and being shared on lolcow which is just a bit too much. i want to revamp cinni.net but it feels like a lot of work right now x-x sorry 2 u all. i want to just finish some of my other projects that have been taking me forever.

im trying to stick to writing in a diary regularly but im not really writing everyday :X i did splurge on stationary and got myself a bunch of cute deco stickers and mechanical pencils with pink lead and lil charms dangling. i got a new mini pocket binder and blue bear paper refills for it to complete the set. long story short, the idea of writing in a cute lil diary is more desirable in my head than it is in reality. in reality the words are hard to write and the paper feels too precious to scribble on.

the past few days ive been sucked into playing stardew valley and making patches for furcadia. im making a new heaven inspired dream with all new patches and i think i spent like two days straight just pixeling.. trying to take a break now from that and develop a healthier daily schedule. clean my room, take a shower, stuff like that. been real depressed and everything has been just shoved into a metaphorical corner. losing a friend has been hurting me more than id like to admit, my grandma died and had my second funeral in a two month time span, and in three days will be 4 years since my best friend died. i still mourn her loss and it's pretty lonely. ive been fighting a lot with my partner and its really wearing me down mentally. i cant decide between getting a therapist or a couples therapist. / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

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to leave this entry on a more positive note, some cool things that happened recently:

- a month ago i went to my first mtg draft, which was less of a draft and more of a 'heres 6 packs go make a deck with it'. i was under the impression it would be just my partner's friend group, but there were actually a bunch of people we didn't know. i played two tournaments and everyone was really nice! afterwards we went out for food and drinks and overall i had a really good time.

- saw my best friend whose in town for the month (she lives in a different country) so it was a real treat to see her<3 we went out with my partner for drinks and food (i got a vegan burger and fries) and caught up with each other. we went to the weed shop next door and got some gummies and stuff and played with the resident kitten. then we went to another bar and got really drunk, lol.

- then about 2-3 weeks ago i played more magic with my partners friends in a more intimate setting and it was really chill. we stayed at their house for the day and drank mixed wine and ate really good pizza and smoked weed and chilled on the couch playing mario party and watching some really crazy robot tournaments.

- aaaaand i got to see my best friend again this weekend!! a tenant in her building was hosting a house warming party in the backyard and so she invited some of her friends too since they share the backyard. it started to rain tho so we all squished under her porch and i gorged on some marscopone cheese and pocky LOL. we met some characters tho and one woman started to annoy us in a weird passive aggressive way until my partner finally quipped back at her LOL. my partner and i helped my friend with cleaning up the house while everyone else just stood there. we ended up staying the night and then had a really chill lazy sunday on the couch and ordered some udon noodles to warm us up. i'm looking forward to our next hang out before she has to go..</3

xoxo

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