This is all one poem actually

It’s a long one

And it’s about my favorite subject

Me

Accidentally deleted some good ones

Oh well

I will write new ones

Because i can’t remember anymore

poor stomach

After a night

Of heavy drinking

Or actually

A day and a night

Of drinking heavily

I’ll sit on the toilet

Throw up tortas

Into the sink

I’ll try and drink some water

But fall asleep before

I ever take a sip

In my cool slumber

I dream of Dr. Pepper

That’s how i know

I’m fucked in the morning

My dreams send me

On a hero’s journey

For a single crisp cup

Of ice cold Dr. Pepper

When i sit upright at 6 AM

I’ve got worms in my stomach

My poor poor stomach

It’s reward

For all the tension

I’ve put it through

These last few months

Is a few sweet drinks

Then another day of pain

Plus i farted all day

Give a man a fish

And he eats fish for dinner

Give a man two fish

And he eats two fish for dinner

Give a man three fish

He will probably eat

Two fish for dinner

One fish for lunch

Give a man four fish

He will distribute the fish

Evenly across his meals

So hes having

1 ⅓ fish for breakfast

1 ⅓ fish for lunch

1 ⅓ fish for dinner

That’s called meal prep

And it’s pretty smart

Any more fish than this

The man will start

Saving them away

Pickling them

Salt drying them

He has enough fish

But if you teach this man

If you teach him how to fish

He will be resistant at first

He won’t want to learn

How to sit still and be patient

Feel the slightest tug at the line

He’ll get tangled in the root ball

And have to swim out to free the line

He will not like hooking worms

Because it is unpleasant to do

But eventually he’ll catch one

And he’ll say

Thanks for reaching me

This fish is for you

And hand it to you

But you have to tell him

This fish is too small

We have to throw it back

He will frown

But after a few more fishing trips

He’ll be reeling them in

Catching a fish a day

Maybe more

And handing them out

To all the men

Who don’t know how to fish

This guy

He’s gonna be set for life

Now if you give a fish a man

The fish will not know

What to do with it

It will swim around

Maybe nibble at the skin

But unless it’s piranha

That’ll be the end of it

The fish will just swim away

But if you teach a fish to man

He will walk upright

He will become

Very worried about

How he’s spending his time

He will get an office job

Wear a suit and tie

He will disrespect women

He will drink too much

He will get sad and lonely

He will try to drown himself

And then remember

He’s a fish

So he can’t drown

And in remembering

His true nature

He will become free again

And he will swim around

In the cool blue water

And he will see a worm

Just hanging there

Free lunch

Another day

Another dollar

Another breath held

For 8 to 9

To 9 and a half hours

If you have time to lean

You have time to lean

Working hard

And hardly working

Spinning your wheels

All day long

So the money grows

Not for you

But in general

Infinite growth

Is possible and attainable

Putting in infinite hours

Even if you didn’t do anything

You were here

Instead of out there

In the world

You were in here

Captive in this cage

Instead of outside

Feeling the air

On your skin

It’s natural and good for you

That’s why all the animals

Are getting office jobs

Just like you

Typing a memo

Filling a spreadsheet

Sighing loudly

Every couple minutes

Don’t repeat this

Don’t tell anyone

I told you

But people didn’t use to

Work this much

They just hung out most the time

Like how everything else is

But too much idle time

Is bad somehow

Having computers

Keeping track of every second

Makes us much more productive

We produce money

Cold hard cash

It’s real and it means something

And it’s important

More than any living thing

So clock in baby

You’re going to work

Until you die

Slick metallic spheroid

Coated in alloys

Which you couldn’t name

It moves like a dolphin

Cutting through water

But the water

Is emptiness

Black void

Night sky

Inside this vessel

There are creatures

That look just like you

More or less

Spacemen

Travelers from another place

They’ve come here

For the same reason

Anybody does

To play on the beach

Take pictures of

The sun over the water

To be served by

Minimum wage locals

Booze and seafood

Air brush t-shirts

Souvenir conch shell

Shark tooth necklace

To let loose

For seven days

Before they have to

Go back to work

procedure

Somebody on tv

Or internet

Or something

They said something

About the woke mind virus

And said

I’m not getting that shit

I’m getting the DNA

Sucked out of every cell

In my body

That’s where it attacks

You know

The wokeness

It latches on

To helical strands

And turns you woke

That’s not gonna be me

No sir

I found a guy who

Used to be a doctor

On Craigslist

And he said he’ll do it

The procedure

He’ll cut me open

Pump me full of chemicals

And change me forever

So that I’ll never change again

On the planet Mercury

Nearest the sun

Is where I’d like to build my house

You may imagine

It’s not such a hospitable place

For a being like myself

The airs thin and hot

There’s no other life there

The days are long

Like two months long

And there’s not a single place

To get a damn burger

But in the red and blue craters

I see a place to build something

Something brand new

Never been tried before

A good place

A happy place

A slow revolving paradise

Where i can bask in the sun

And the solar radiation

For a couple days

Until I’m baked to the surface

Where i will stand forever

With a smile on my face

Summer

Used to mean

Something different

From what it means now

Running outside in the sprinkler

Riding your bike down big bend

Getting candy and soda

From the mayors general store

Going to the pool

Driving in your car

With the windows down

Lying in the sun

Happiness

Freedom

Warmth

Love

To you

The young

Who don’t remember

Summer is a burning feeling

The fire season

If you go outside you get hurt

By the heat or by the smoke

You stay inside

Watching the orange skies

For days as your supplies run low

Mom runs to the market

To restock

And comes back coughing

The oppressive heat lasts

Longer and longer til the solstice

The hardest day of the year

The grass dries up and burns

The soil turns dry and cracked

Most of your crops perish

So that when it is autumn

You’re still hungry

It wasn’t always like this

But it is now

I am sorry

King

Crammed together

In the gutter

Tangled like

Headphones in a pocket

Many screeching voices

Become one

Scratch claw and bleed

Knotted matted clumps

In this state

It is hard for all to eat

Those stuck on the inside

Of the twisted ring

Wind up starved

And are dragged along

Dying and rotting

Dead weight

To the body

Of the Rat King

Slowly crawling across

The alleyway

On many many feet

From one sewer to the next

Seeking refuge in the refuse

Two employees

A tall man

And a squat woman

Take the trash out

Near the end of their shift

They lift the dumpster lid

See the filthy matted creature

Black eyes wide and afraid

Full of disease and fleas

Chirping and squealing

At the sudden company

The man gags and covers his face

Drops the trash on the ground

Oh god, He says

Someone should kill that thing

Then he turns to go back inside

You coming?

She hesitates

I’m gonna have a smoke

I’ll be just a minute

She looks down

Into a dozen sets of eyes

She says I’m sorry

They screech back

I’ll get you something to help

Returns with a loaf of bread

And a bucket of soapy water

As gentle as she can

She scoops the critter up

Dunks it into the bucket

She scrubs with her gloved hands

Until one rat slips loose

She sets him aside

Gives him a chunk of bread

And keeps working

One by one

She pulls them out

Hands them bread

And they scurry away

When she’s finished

The water red and brown

Behind the dumpster

She sees the freshly cleaned rats

Huddled together

Sharing their bread

She smiles

Jackie smokes spirits

More than i do

So i don’t gotta

Feel gross about it

I still do

But i don’t gotta

She was just in Vietnam

And got real sick

After drinking too much

Of the water

She wasn’t used to

The taste

I tell her

I still feel like I’m traveling

And in some ways i am

She laughs politely

At the way i phrase it

I feel good about

Coming out tonight

Pick me up

And set me down

Like i belong to you

Like i belong

To you

Of all people

But I’m public domain

Property of the people

I’m fair use

I’m fair

And you can use me

However you like

I’m like Jimmy Buffet

All you can eat

And more

And more

And more

I contain multitudes

Eat as much

As you can stomach

And leave the rest

For the next customer

Can you fit me in your hand

Can you fit me in your head

All of me at once

For longer than a second

Paint your pretty pictures

Draw your own conclusion

I exist untethered

You can run your fingers

Through my hair

Lift my chin

And look down at me

Like i belong to you

But I’m like

Mister Dog

I belong to myself

I was named after

An oil tanker

Which I’m told

At some point

In the distant past

Ran aground

And spilled

11 million gallons

Of thick black oil

Into the water

Off the coast of

What used to be Alaska

It killed the fish

Stained waterfowl black

Choked the ocean

It was a catastrophe

My father always had

A strange way of

Looking at the past

He told me

“Oil

Which is illegal to burn now

Used to run this planet

At least all the human parts

It ran through pipelines

Bulldozed over sacred lands

Into the black heart of man

This great dependency

It is the cumulative sickness

Of many sinners

Who for centuries

Could not satiate their hunger

It was not enough

To kill a living creature

To consume its flesh

And prosper

It was not enough

To plow through a forest

Making great trees

Into lumber and ash

It was not enough

To kill all life

They needed to consume more”

“So they dug underground

Found the graves of

All the life that came before

That lived and died

And was laid to rest

In peat bogs and swamps

They found their ancestors

Reduced to black sludge

And they saw a way to profit

To burn them away

Into the sky

They grew fat and abhorrent

And still they hungered

Wished to consume

The very earth itself

Suck down the atmosphere

Slurp up the ocean

And sell it all”

He looked me in the eyes

He said

“Exxon

Was a corporation

A collective body of capital

Which sought to destroy

Everything beautiful

Which it did not own

And it almost succeeded

The forests were burning

Storms raged for weeks

Great mass dyings

Of people plants and animals

Carbon hung heavy

In the smoky air

You could breathe in

All the sins of your people

Choke on it and die

Crops did not grow

Or perished trying

Rains did not fall for weeks

Then all at once for days”

“We lost the control

That we thought we had

And still they would not

Admit wrongdoing

Would not turn back

From profitable extinction

So we

The people of the earth

The real living creatures

We fought back

Together we reclaimed

This world made for us

Which we are a part of

And over decades

Built the fragile balance

We live in now

There is still so much

Work to be done

And you’re going to do it”

He said

“I was named after my father

The worst sinner i ever knew

He was a cruel man

Small and full of rage

He was compassionless

And showed me no mercy

Envied me for anything i had

Beat me for what i didn’t

Eventually he died

And i walked through this world

Built by twisted men like him

Bearing his name

His awful name

I decided i would take it

I would take his name

And make it mine

Take his legacy

And paint over it

I would destroy

The bad he’d done

Wherever i could

Remove it from the world

The new world”

“And I’ve done my best so far

I am grown now

I am respected for

The good i have done

And no one is left

Who remembers my father

Save for me

And so this i want for you”

He put a hand on my shoulder

“We are all born in sin

Original sin passed down

By our progenitors

And it is our duty

To scrub it clean

To leave this place

Better than we found it

I want for you

To remove the stain

From your name

As best as you can

Make yourself as great

As your namesake was terrible

Make it so

In many years

When they look back

This name is yours first”

I told him i understood

That i needed to find a way

To be better than

What i came from

He nodded and embraced me

He said

“I love you son,

Now go do your chores

And send your sister

Hitler

Down here

I want to talk to her next”

I had a dream last night

There were two birds

Sitting on the ground

One carried four small eggs

Nested on its back

Between its wings

I got caught up in the beauty

And i stepped too close

Startling the birds

They hopped into flight

And as she spread her wings

The tiny eggs fell

They cracked on the pavement

Yolk spilling out

It was upsetting

I ran over to see if

Anything could be done

But the birds were gone

I started crying

And i woke myself up

scale

There’s something moving in the sky

Blue and white and clear

Every time i look up above

I see a split second of a long dance

So slow and long we barely notice

But i think if i could live forever

I could start to understand

Some insects live only 30 days

In the time it takes for you

To swing your arm to swat at them

Hours of their lives have passed

By the time you’ve articulated

The point you’re trying to make

Generations have passed

I think it’s all connected

The blood sucking mosquito

The giant in the sky

Me in my little house

But I can’t make it out

I’m too small or too big

To see the whole picture

Stand still

Feet planted

In the river

Come crying

When you feel eroded

When you’re swept away

By another flood

Left out to dry

When the bend changes

You huff and you puff

And you decide

You’re going to fix this

You’re going to bring in

Cranes and bulldozers

Trucks and boulders

Pour tons of concrete

Erect dams and weirs

And sky high levees

You’ll wade to the middle

Plant your feet again

And dare the river to move

Dare it to be a river

And for one summer season

You have what you want

The water level at your waist

Just the speed you like it

When you piss into the stream

But come next rainfall

You’ll be swept away again

Come crying again

Thinking

If you can lock it all in place

All the trees and stones

The birds and the fish

The water and the sun

If you can keep it all the same

Forever

Then you’ll be happy

I hope next time it floods

You drown

a hot one

She called me on the phone

Which is weird

Because she never does that

She asks me did i know

That the 7 hottest days

On Earth

For the last 100,000 years

All occurred

In the last month

And i said yeah i know

This is what i was saying

The other day

About how it’s all starting

The consequences of our choices

The reaping of what’s been sown

The proverbial shit

Hitting the proverbial fan

She cuts me off

To tell me

That it will never be the same

The summer will never

Feel like it did

When we were kids

But it was never going to

The way things are now

Is how they were always gonna be

She’s getting too deterministic

I feel the need to object

Don’t you think

We could have done something

Anything

Different

To stop this

She says

I know we could have

But i also know we didn’t

We wouldn’t

Run the numbers

A million times

And we always end up

Choosing this path

The one that ends in fire

Because we like it hot

And we just can’t help ourselves

I tell her

I guess

But doesn’t it bum you out

Can’t you imagine a world

Where we acted

As soon as we figured it out

And we became resilient

Sustainable

Where we corrected course

She says it’s a nice fantasy

But she doesn’t have time for that

Not now

She has to start preparing

She says

The next hottest day

In the history of the earth

Is coming soon

And she’d like to spend it

With me

The early bird

Gets the worm

As the run rises

The long dim shadows

Scatter across the ground

The early bird has her pick

Of isopods and invertebrates

To peck at and consume

Bring back to the nest

And regurgitate for baby

The early worm

Well

He gets ate

He gets bit and chewed

And swallowed

And thrown up

And swallowed again

And that sucks for him

I grab the shoulder

Of the thing

Which is also me

Expanding and contracting

Folding inside out

Like one of those

Fortune teller things

That the girl next to me

In third grade

Would fold from paper

And offer to me

But i never wanted

To know the future

I grab this shoulder

Mine

It does not recognize me

Does not recognize itself

It looks up for a second

Then back at the floor

Also made of itself

It’s eyes are red and watery

Weeping

In one hand it holds a knife

Carves a name in the floor

Bleeds it out

This floor is full of scar tissue

Full of faces and limp arms

Which once stabbed at the floor

Sobbing and moaning

Another figure steps in

From behind me

It is my shape and size

My smell my taste

My spitting image

I do not recognize it

It too bears a weapon

A long blade

To slash at the rest of itself

It lays a hand on my shoulder

The two figures lock eyes

And poke at each other

Bleeding and dying

Over and over

Melting into the floor

Where they stand again

And kill and die

Not once looking around

And seeing all of itself

Stretched all the way back

To the start

Out of sight

Buried beneath

Miles of old flesh

If it could still speak

The first of me

It would whisper

Wince from the long pain

And say

Stop killing yourself

It didn’t work out

He had acid reflux

Just couldn’t stomach her

It bothered him

How she burned and churned

And came spilling out

Over his chin

Onto the marbled tile

Into the grouted grooves

Around the toilet

He wouldn’t leave her

So she did

She said

I’ll find someone stronger

Who can swallow

The bile of loving me

Without making

A fucking mess

He choked and gagged

Laid on the bathroom floor

For weeks

Puking and puking

Til he was wrung out dry

He coughed and wheezed

Spit and screamed

Crawled to the faucet

And drank

Cool clear water

Gulp gulp gulp

His throat

It didn’t hurt

Not at all

He tells a joke

And it’s actually funny

A plane passes overhead

I stop and think

I should remember this

Or film it

But there are so many planes

And they are frequently overhead

I sing to myself

Walking in the sun

A yellow finch flinches

As i pull leaves from a branch

And scatter them in the loose breeze

I run to catch the train

Last seat on the last car

Caboose

I gaze out at the highway

At the drivers in the cars as we pass

I look at them with pity

And a twisted grin grows on my face

I win

Harmonica plays

While the world dances in the window

I say it

I mean it

I need you to know it

I love you man

I love you baby

I love you dear

I love you sweetie

I love you pal

I love you amigo

I love you, my love

You are here

In my heart

And i haven’t yet

Found the walls of this heart

It is big and always expanding

Everything that i love

That i have loved

I love still

And so i love you now

And always

That’s just how it is

Persistent

So get used to it

Being loved by me

(I love you)

head

I wish i could take my face

Off of my body

Off of my head

And stick it on the ground

So the world was my head

Then all my friends

Whom i love so dearly

Would always be close

Standing on the surface

Of my big big head

I want to go

Back to the laundromat

There’s laundry in my building

But i left something there

More than just quarters

And a loose sock

Lost it in the

Crackling florescent light

Reflecting bright off the walls

Blue and orange

Old vending machines

Relics of the recent past

Stand solemnly in the corner

I want to sit in the bins

You can wheel me around

Until we find what i lost

307 Lincoln Service

From Chicago to St Louis

Train isn’t full

But there’s people in each row

I sit down and get out my book

I’m a reader, a scholar, a genius

But that’s not what this poems about

This poems about

Two rows up from me

A mother and child

A baby really

She’s not old enough

To communicate

But she’s sort of babbling

Cute kid

She’s not loving the train

She’s standing up on the seat

Spinning around

There’s some crying and screaming

But i have my noise cancelling AirPods

I’m unbothered

The mom is making an effort

But ultimately

Babies just kind of do their thing

Nothing you can do about it

Or so i thought

Enter Passenger 2

She’s sitting in the row in front of me

Between me and the baby

She has other ideas

While i was reading my book

(Please don’t praise me

Reading is value neutral

You don’t have to compliment me

For reading on the train)

She is on her laptop

The baby is turned around looking at her

And i don’t think she’s liking it

In the reflection on the window

I see her screen

She has three tabs open

The first tab has pictures

Of clip art monsters

That look like Mike wozowski

The second tab is google image results

For ‘SCARY CREEPY MONSTER IMAGE’

(Or something like that

The text was small

And backwards in the reflection)

And she’s clicking on a couple

Full screening them

And turning them around

For the child to look at

I tried to get a video of this

But i missed the scariest image

The kid starts screaming

And her mom pulls her back down

Passenger 2

Who must be laughing but i can’t tell

Clicks into the third tab

She clicks submit

To view her credit score

In big text it says LOW

She refreshes the page

It still says LOW

She refreshes it again

Then she takes a photo of the sunset

They don’t make trains say

Choo choo

Like they used to

Least as far as I’m concerned

Used to hear it all the time

The forlorn song of the steam whistle

As the train charged in

You could run to the bridge

And watch the train approach

When it got close

You could hear the

Chuggachuggachugga

You could smell it

Feel the wheels on the track

When it finally passed beneath you

The wind would whip your hair back

And you’d look to your left

And grin at your siblings

Your tiny fingers gripping

The chain link fence

We used to have real trains

In this country

Full of coal

That made the right noises

They had little faces on the front

They spoke in British voices

They lived in a little town

There was one named Thomas

And one named Percy

And i don’t remember the other ones

But they all had names

And now

Thanks to wokeness

All the trains are wrong

And i can’t put my finger on how

But i know they’re wrong

They don’t choo choo

Not like i remember

kinds of people

You know

There’s two kinds of people

Oh Sorry

I said

There’s

TWO

Kinds of people

Yeah

There’s the first kind

The kind of person

Who was born naked

And grew up afterwards

Has a complicated relationship

With the world they live in

They have big ideas

Wants needs and impulses

They speak just to be heard

They listen just to understand

To them,

Some days are good

Some days are hard

Some days last forever

They hurt really bad

This kind of person

Is in pain

From something recent

And something that happened long ago

They bounce around

Grind up against the sides

Of the brick walls of the world

They are short sighted

Selfish and impatient

They have just a few things

That mean everything to them

And they hold them close

Scared of losing them

And still they lose

They have rotten luck

Something always goes wrong

They don’t live easy lives

But they try to make the most of it

Sometimes they hurt themselves

On purpose

And sometimes it becomes a habit

Such that it feels accidental

When it happens

Again and again

There’s a whole world in their minds

Only some of it reaches the outside

But enough

To be known

To be present

To exist

And

Sometimes

Sometimes they smile

These people

Complicated as they are

Are good

And

Then there’s the other kind

With my magnificent mind

And discerning taste

(Plus the way my family is)

I’ve become accustomed

To having strong opinions

A novel take on all things

So it strikes me as odd

As i drive around on July 3rd

That i have no opinion

On the big explosions in the sky

I try to form one

Fireworks are cancelled

For making my dog scared

For likely being disastrous

For the imploding atmosphere

Nah that doesn’t stick

Fireworks are sacred

For being ancient science

For being beautiful feats of engineering

For the striking color and movement

But i just don’t feel that way

I look up at the sky

Red and green and golden

And i just feel nothing

Fish out of water

She swims up the shore

Scraping her scales

Choking down the dry air

Mothers first born daughter

She stands baking in the sun

Under the heat of expectation

Exposed and vulnerable

Fish on fire

Burning just to see

Something new

Untouched as of yet

Raw desire

To swim upstream

Against the current

All the way to herself

There’s a woman in my phone

Who tells me she loves me

I don’t know who she is

But she tells me she loves me

I think it’s prerecorded

I don’t think she can see me

I don’t think she could possibly know

If she loves me or not

But she tells me she loves me

When I’m anxious i look down at her

When I’m killing time at work

On the toilet

In the car

Before bed

In the morning

While I’m walking around

Watching tv

In the room with my friends

She’s always there

Whispering to me

Trying to make me feel good

I guess it must be working

But to what end i wonder

What does this build to

Where does it go

And why

If i buy in

I say okay you love me

What now

What’s the escalation

How deep inside my brain

Can she get

When i love her back

I imagined you saying

I wasn’t like this before

That you liked me better

Before i changed

I imagined i laughed

When exactly

I smirked

Was that

I’ve always been changing

I change and am

Changed

A point on a vector

A ripple in a wave

All i am is change

You god damn idiot

So are you

grade speech

I project confidence

Because i see that

Insecurity brings discomfort

To those around me

I am full of doubt and shame

Full of cowardice and anger

I am full of shit

A stomach liar

Mouth breather

Here’s what i know

Stories have power

Narrative tastes like chicken

True

On the tongues of the audience

So i stand taller

I speak louder

And I smile more

So the story will be more fun

For the reader and the writer

When i watch someone i know

Performing

Yup that does it

i can see what’s inside them

It’s shining out at all of us watching

And it is warm

When i look at what you’ve made

And i know that you made it

It makes the thing in my

Eyes and throat swell

It makes me fucking cry

When i see two people in love

They look at one another

And know

They speak without words

They push their hands together

It makes me crumble

Anything in twos

Complementary pairs

Matching sets

A big one and a little one

A mother and a child

Together

Watching birds in the park

Or frogs in the stream

Leaves in the wind

Clouds in the sky

Plants growing

Weather changing

Someone trying their best

Struggling and failing

And trying again

Butting their head up against

The limits of themselves

Making an effort

No matter how futile

Authenticity

Watching someone be

The way that only they can

True and particular

One of a kind

Rain falling softly

Picking up and collecting

Flowing over surfaces

And feeding the earth

Worms in the dirt

Sun in the sky

Tv and movies

When i see myself onscreen

In many shapes and colors

Human beings acting

Trying to capture

What it’s like to be

Dogs that love their owners

Animals with jobs

Old people smiling

The last page of a book

A beautiful horizon

A quiet gentle song

Life in communion

Sharing in this world

These things they make me cry

The good way

Like my mom does

At every parade

It’s freeing

Cathartic

To see beauty in the world

And react

I folded

One thousand paper cranes

And made a wish

To be smaller

Neater

Take up less space

So I fold into myself

In half

Hotdog style

Then again

This time hamburger

Hotdog

Hamburger

Hotdog

Hamburger

Did you know

You can only fold a sheet of paper in half

Six times

No more

Mythbusters tested it

Myth confirmed

Myth busted true

No seventh fold

You can only get so compact

So folded up in yourself

Before there’s no more room

You can’t fold again

Without tearing

Ripping apart

But you can unfold

You can get something heavy

Like a big book of facts

Or fiction would work as well

Rest it on your stomach

And flatten yourself back out

Like Stanley

The creases will remain

That’s okay

When i smell bleach I’m 17

Scrubbing working cleaning

For you

On my hands and knees

I smell shit and vomit

Waste

I shudder

Gag

And continue scrubbing

Til the bristles on the brush

Are worn and defeated

More bleach

More soap

More water

I continue

Back and forth frantically

The end of the plastic handle

Grinds against the linoleum

Eroding into nothing

The suds have dried

And still a stain remains

I dunk my hands in chemicals

I scratch at it with my claws

My fingers raw and turbid

Back and forth

Til it’s clean

Then

Hours

Days later

I smell the bleach

Burned into my nostrils

Reminding me of something

He’s a bastard of a man

But he’s my bastard of a man

When he reaches out

I anticipate it and wince

Even if it doesn’t connect

I feel it

Love is just a feeling

All feeling is pain

All parents are small

All children are big

At least

I think so

Forgot my card in the bar

But it remembered me

There’s a dead bird on the sidewalk

Sprawled out beak open

I step around it

Three raccoons scurry up the fence

I turn the key

And drive home

sound of a tree falling

Some times it all rolls by

Faster than you can

Write a song about it

It just keeps moving

Without melody in your head

Sit in an empty room

And imagine it full

Stare at a dark sky

And imagine it bright

Full of clouds that look like

Things you’ve seen before

Trees fall all the time

Without any help from you

They tip slowly over seasons

Then come crashing down

On top of smaller brush

Where they crumble and rot

Fill with termites and mushrooms

And it all happens

Without you looking

You walk in the woods

And there it lies

The way it is now

You’re the kind of person

Who kicks the dog

The thing that loves you

Which comes crawling back

To beg for scraps

Til you decide to kick again

And again and again

And still it loves you

It knows this is what it deserves

For needing you

For asking too much of you

For standing in your way

Barking too loud

Scratching at the door

For being wrong

Again

And it’s not your first dog

You’ve had many

Enough to form a habit

Of scratching behind the ears

Feeding under the table

Kicking when you feel like it

Throwing them out on the street

When you’ve had your fill

Some day

You will stare out your window

See eyes shimmering in the dark

A pack of wild dogs

Hungry

At your door

Everybody join in

The giant mass of flesh

It’s hip it’s cool it’s in

It’s the very best way

To share this world

With those you love

All your friends did it

They leaped into

The pulsing pink mass

And were incorporated

The mass grew and bulged

Shifted and adjusted its

new bones and blood and flesh

It lumbers through town

And they all run towards it

The men the women the children

The elderly and feeble

The young and virile

They run full speed

Into the rolling tissue

They dissolve

With smiles on their faces

You hear it squelching

Squishing popping

As it rolls around the street

Past all the houses

That it used to live in

Separated

It seems happy

Content

At peace with itself now

There’s another sound

A low hum

Like a muffled choir

From somewhere inside the mass

It’s calling to you

It’s beautiful

It’s a song you’ve heard before

In the shower and the car

When your mind is elsewhere

You absentmindedly hum it

No real melody

Just sound really

It’s human

Real and honest

Go to it

Surrender

of 1

I wake up in the morning

At 6:03

I put on my pants

Both legs at once

I turn on my music

You wouldn’t know it

It’s not very popular

I brush my teeth and shave

At the same time

I’m ambidextrous

I pick an interesting shirt

From my interesting wardrobe

And pull it over my head

Then i skip breakfast

Because it’s been done before

I slide down the bannister

Casually and with grace

I toss my keys up in the air

And catch them behind my back

I get in my car

It’s not quite like your car

It’s a little differenter than

The other ones on the road

When i get on the highway

I speed up and slow down

So that no car is ever

Driving beside me

I get to my job

A job only I can do

I sit in my chair backwards

I don’t drink coffee

I don’t like small talk

I don't eat lunch

I stay quiet for hours

Then i slink out

Without anyone noticing

Back to my car

Which i drive with style

Small flourishes when

I spin the wheel

And i parallel park

In the spot no one would try

I skip to the door

Let it close on its own

And I’m up the stairs

Before it slams shut

I slip off my clothes

And leap into bed

I take a short nap

I have a wild dream

Vivid and imaginative

Then i go on my phone

It’s a different model

A rare one

They don’t sell them

In Best Buy anymore

I go to strange websites

I look up odd facts

I send cryptic messages

To ethereal women

On dating apps

Then i stop responding

When i can’t think of

Anything to say

I think about going out

Then i decide against it

I fall back into bed

I sprawl across the whole mattress

I slay on my belly

I flip to my back

I sleep on my side

I think unique thoughts

Then i close my eyes

And snore arrhythmically

Until the sun comes up again

Lord it’s hard to be me

Original

Distinct

Bespoke

One of one

In this world

I’ve never been big on

Jumping right in

Even though it’s the

Best way to do it

No

I’ll walk to the stairs

And take one slow step

Followed by another

Followed by another

Then i will stand there

Until my legs are used to it

Then i will hesitate

Before stepping again

My waist beneath the water

Shivering i resist the urge

To pull back and get out

I stand again for a moment

Then step forward

Further into the water

Belly chest shoulders

Then I’ve got my arms raised

High above my head

So I plunge them in

And wait

Eventually

You have to go under

And it’s better once you do

But I’ll stand here

Longer and longer

Waiting for something

To move me

I know i have to do it

But I’ll wait a bit more

The water is cold after all

And I’ve got all summer

My stomach hurts

Because i told it to

Again and again

now i changed my mind

I want my stomach

To stop hurting

But my stomach has ideas

My stomach thinks

It knows shit from fuck

And it doesn’t

It’s a stomach

Stomachs don’t know things

They digest stuff

They turn food into poop

That’s it

So I’m going to

Rest my hand on my tummy

And think calm thoughts

And my stomach is

Going to stop hurting

One of these days

Something hurts you

Someone you care for

There’s a threat

What do you do

You smash it

You kill it

You make it gone

You stop it from

Ever happening again

If i could swim

I’d do it too

Fuck them boats

Last night while i was dreaming

I reached into my mouth

And one of my teeth broke

Just crumbled to bits

I could feel the hole where it was

Touch the gum with my tongue

I held the pieces in my hand

In horror as i stood before

My childhood friends

I thought this must mean something

But mostly i was just worried

That I’d bite too hard

And lose the rest of my teeth

When i was little one time

One time when i was little

I lost a tooth and told no one

I stuck it under my pillow

And it was still there when i woke

I didn’t even get any money

So i knew it was fake

What would a fairy do with teeth

What would they use it for

I imagined a big castle

Made out of children’s teeth

With fairy knights and princesses

But i knew it was fake

I knew all of it was fake

If all my teeth fell out of my head

I would not like that

I do not want that to happen

I’m driving barefoot

I’m kicking up gravel

When i was younger

I always wanted to be

A danger to myself and others

And now i am

I’m going off ramps

I’m smashing shit up

I’m pushing hard on the gas

I’m chewing on

The skin inside my cheek

I got the music up LOUD

FREEBIRD

SKYNYRD BABY

AHAHAHHAHAA

I turn the wheel HARD

The car flips six, seven

Eight times

I tuck and roll

Break a rib

Cough up blood

Crack open an ice cold

Mountain Dew

And do it all over again

God my life rocks

Just read this

On the internet

So it’s gotta be true

In 100 years or something

They are gonna dig up

All the bones

Of all the people

And sort through them

They’re gonna make

One pile for boy bones

And one for girl bones

And it’s really important

That they get it right

Crucial even

So no matter what you do

No matter who you are

You must live your life

In a way that pleases

These future bone sorters

That’s what really matters

Piles of bones

Scientists predict

That if things

keep getting worse

Then things will become

Even Worse

Than they are now

They are afraid

That perhaps

Many will die

Many will suffer

And the causes

Will go unaddressed

This world

That we think we built

May no longer be able

To support us

And one by one

Over a long time

We will die

Until the last one is left

And they watch the world

Different now

Move on without them

But have faith

This has happened before

Life on this rock

Has all but been extinguished

Several times over

It is fragile but tenacious

It survives these bottlenecks

And branches outwards

There is some form

On this planet

That can survive and thrive

Under the new conditions

Even if it takes a billion years

Something will go on living

So even if we do not stop it

This thing that’s getting worser

Take solace in knowing

That all life is related

And your family will be fine

I’m not

But i will be

His mommy and his daddy

Were astronauts

And he was born on the moon

The effect of low gravity

On the birthing process

Was baffling to put it lightly

He has a big round head

And his eyes bulge out

Fingers long and stringy

His back is slightly scoliated

But he’s otherwise healthy

He don’t talk too much

But he stares

He looks into you

Taking you in

Into that large head of his

Which wobbles when he walks

He picks his nose

With those long fingers of his

And wipes it on the wall

He sits quietly in church

And stares at his lap

He makes no trouble at school

Can read and write is good at math

Keeps his room clean

Helps with the dishes after dinner

At night he goes out into the yard

And looks up through an opening

In the branches of the trees

He finds the moon in the sky

And he whispers

Some day i will go back

Wind blows

Rain falls

Water rises

Fires burn

Smoke hangs

Above buildings

Toppling over

Becoming rubble

Filling fresh cracks

In the earth

Down to the mantle

Where it sleeps

Some old monster

That we were

Too young to know of

Massive boulders land

Like dust on its head

The eyelids flutter

A mouth yawns open

It begins to stir

It has risen before

As it does now

The earth hatches

And it emerges

Stretches it limbs

Breathes in deep

Sucking in atmosphere

Exhaling smoke and flame

It moves towards the water

The ground shudders

Collapses and erodes

Dust fills the air

When it reaches the lake

It halts

The chest rises and falls

The air pulses with it

It rests for some time

To recuperate the energy

It has expended

The dust on its path

From there to here

Has fallen and settled

In this new depression

Water begins to flow

Steaming over the

Molten igneous rock

For days the monster

God Demon Creature

Crouches by the water

Looks into the sky

The pupils of its eyes

Rotate and dilate

Taking in sunlight

For the first time in eons

Slowly it cups two hands

Scoops beneath the lake

And lifts to an open mouth

Drinking deeply

Water mud sand and stone

Swallowing gulping

Then one deep breath in

And it stands again

And begins to walk

It is awake now

And it will be

For some time

This monster

Is part of this world

It is living

Like we are

I don’t know

If this makes a difference

For either of us

But i want to have said it

That I’m not bad at this

On purpose

It’s not my intent

In fact I’m trying

Not to be bad at this

But i lapse and forget

I get stressed and avoid it

And I’m right back here

I don’t know how to change it

But i know it’s there

I’m going to keep trying

And hope that’s enough

man

There’s a sick old man

In the neighborhood

Whose mind has been

All chewed up and spit out

He’s become fixated

On metaphors

So much so that

He cannot see you anymore

He just sees

What you represent

He looks past you

Through the window

Rain falls and he chuckles

Like he just heard a good joke

If you sit with him and wait

He’ll speak

My mouth black ink

I spit into the air

Staining silence

With meaning

My eyes drain light

Into the sewer of mind

Where it is treated

Purified and bottled

And sold for a profit

This room is prison

This house is prison

This town is prison

This skull is prison

I grow dreams and death

In the garden of my bed

Each night i reap

What i have sewn

All things are rivers

All rivers change

Swim or stand still

Flotsam or jetsam

Flood or drought

It is all the same

Spherical

My feet are anchors

But i float now

I am water

I freeze and melt

I boil in the heat

I am stone

I am air

I am flame

Not all at once

But in short sequence

Over a long time

I am worn now

Faded leather

Wrung out rag

Tattered cloth

Rusted tool

Lay me down now

I have said my peace

roachey

Yeah i bet if

Jim Croce

Was a bug

He could be called

Jim Roachey

That would be so

Awesome

If that Heppend

I killed a bug today

Pressed my index finger

Down on the desk

And destroyed a life

I felt it die

And something stirred in me

I don’t know why i did it

And that bothers me

I didn’t even have a reason

I stopped a thing from living

Where i had no right

I don’t even live here

It did me no harm

Posed no threat

Maybe this means something

Is indicative of a greater failure

Or maybe this

Is just another thing

I forget about

I see pieces of me

All over

But i cannot hold them

In my head

Or my hands

Cannot set them

Next to one another

And see it all at once

I turn away

Once more

And hide

I am almost certain

That it doesn’t help at all

But I’m sorry

I’m so fucking sorry

I’m sorry i am

I’m so sorry it hurts

And all this does is burden you

With my sorry state

But i am i am

I’m sorry

And I’m sorry about

Being sorry

And telling you

At all

So

Sorry

Sorry sorry sorry

Sorry sorry

(I broke a glass at the wedding)

Being at a country club

Where the brides father

Is very involved

(My brother got married)

Is like

Yeah

There’s class conflict here

And I’m on the

Wrong fucking side

Whoopsie

the World

Big the world

When i first started

New and scary

Dark and hairy

So little of me

Inside and out

So much to grow

Big the world

When i was young

I was swimming in it

I was there

Lately feels like

It’s swimming in me

I’m somewhere else

Big the world

I’m used to it

I know these patterns

I’m not surprised

It’s small in my hand

The dark now gray

Faded and worn

Big the world again

I’m ready

To learn something

Get scared and lost

New and unexpected

Out of my head

And into the world

Friend of mine

Told me all about

The karst topography

In this region

There are caves

And caverns

Beneath your feet

That link together

All across the state

Someone else told me

There’s tunnels

Under these streets

Here in the city

That they built years ago

But nobody uses them

I think something else

Is going on

There’s a city beneath the city

A state beneath the state

Full of troglodyte people

Scurrying around

In the cool damp tunnels

Eyes wide open

Black, just pupils really

Their fingers are

Always wrinkled

The way yours get

When you’ve been swimming

They communicate with echos

And they eat worms and bugs

And rats and other things too

Rain comes in floods

Full of trash and waste

They don’t see the sun

Maybe they don’t even

Remember it

Maybe they’ve forgotten

There’s a world above them

Full of people

Bustling about

Wasting and wanting

Flushing it all away

Yeah

It’s not really my business

What happens between

Two consenting individuals

One living

One dead

In the privacy

Of their own home

I just don’t support it

I just wish they wouldn’t

Push it on

The rest of us

It’s just not natural

You aren’t supposed

To fuck a dead body

That’s not cool

I don’t condone it

Bro

You’re being

So necrophobic

Right now

My cousin fucks corpses

Would you say all that

If he was standing here

Yes!

I would!

Tell him to stop that!

Cancel me if you want

But i think

The living should fuck the living

And

The dead should fuck the dead

Sometimes i get this feeling

That i was made to be

OLD and WISE

And I’m just spinning my wheels

Til i can sit on my porch

In a rocking chair

And dole out cryptic advice

Speak in metaphors and anecdotes

Allegories for the human condition

Give anyone and everyone

My two cents on the world

And they’re all SICK of it

And i delight in this fact

It fills me with glee

They can’t stop me

I’m old

Ha

Ha ha ha

And i sometimes i

Sit and i think

And i get quiet for days

And listen to the wind

And it means something to me

I stare off into the distance

Contemplative

And then i make a fart joke

Old fart joke

Wise old fart joke

Yeah that’s good

That’s a good one

Eyes and teeth

Eyes and teeth

Circling

Spiraling inwards

Or outwards depending

To consume and

Be consumed

To see and be seen

Spinning along

Perpendicular to

Shifting surfaces

Pulsing in space

What will happen

Already was and did

The window looks out

From inside the stomach

All this treasure

Already eaten

By the beast which

Was born tomorrow

In the hearts and minds

Of wisened children

Who sing songs

Learned by making them up

Just by how it feels to be

If you’re worried

You’ll see it

Or be seen by it

Eat it

Or otherwise be eaten

We all destroy

And it happens

The other way too

I read an idea

That i thought i came up with

On a piece of paper

I know I’ve never read

At first i felt embarrassed

For thinking i was original

For thinking i made this idea

But all ideas come from somewhere

All idea-makers live in the same world

Have the same tools and resources

It only makes sense

Parallel thinking occurs

So i let go of the ego

In thinking i am the first

Idea-haver in the world

And i realize this means something else

This thought i thunk

I thought was weird and new

And could have been wrong

But this paper here in my hand

Indicates that despite prior evidence

I am not alone

It is a good feeling

years

What’s gone is back

What’s old is new

They remember

What it was like

To be them back when

older younger longer

A dual sided blade

Cuts in either direction

From then to now

From now to then

All things return

Change and stay

The same the same

They’ve stood here

Once twice five times

And will again

On the next time round

I am like

dog fish bird

I open my eyes

And i see things

I open my heart

And i feel things

I hurt

And i hurt

Lay in the grass

Float in the water

The more i think

The less i am

And what i was

Is gone now

Incorporated

Such that it is

I drown

Or burn

Or otherwise

Perish

My dad is losing his sight

It gets worse every week

And he sees less and less

I never thought of that

Never considered the option

Of not being able to see

It scares me a lot

How will his life change

When he can’t see my face

Can’t drive can’t use a screen

How is my sister going to cope

When he can’t see her grow

Can’t work can’t pay for school

What can i do to help

Besides feel sorry

I’ll just keep my eyes open

For now

And see everything i can

For me

And for him when he needs it

Got glue on my hands

Trying to glue

A shoe back together

I could get a new shoe

But that stresses me out

I got too much to do

And i don’t want to do it

I put a bunch of stuff

In trash bags today

But haven’t worked up

To bringing them down

To the dumpster

So I’ve got a bunch

Of bags of trash

Just sitting on the kitchen floor

I need to sit down

And freak out about

All of this

For a half hour

Before i get anything done

I’m going to get

Very stressed out

Before this all ends

Car

I’m working on an invention

It’s a car

And a gun

It’s a gun that becomes a car

It’s a car that becomes a gun

Gun car

Car gun

It can shoot

It can drive

It runs on gasoline

And bullets

And you have to be

This tall to ride

I’m gonna make one

With flag decals

Stars and stripes baby

That’s what it’s all about

I close my eyes

I step on the gas

I pull the trigger

Black smoke

Burnt rubber

And a smile on my face

If we get enough of these

On the road

We’ll all be safe

The only thing

That can stop

A bad guy gun car

Is eight good guy gun cars

Blowing him to smithereens

Sorry i

Slammed your hand

in the car door

Does it still hurt

My bad

Just throw the trash

In the back

With the other trash

And push it down

To make room

For more trash

Watch this

I can go fast here

Don’t roll the window

It gets stuck

And it screeches

If you want music

You gotta jiggle the plug

The brakes are fine

That smell is fine

The shaking is fine

I checked it out

And we’ve got

Several more miles

Before its an issue

So calm down

I have Triple A

They will come get us

If something blows up

Okay let’s park here

Just for a minute

We can just talk

Wanna do it in the trunk

Just kidding haha

Too much trash back there

Let’s just grope each other

Across the middle console

Til the light changes

Then we can crank the A/C

and ride home in silence

good day

Deep down in the blue

Bits of magenta

And slimey green

Splattered through

Dark and echoing tubes

In endless interlocking channels

Sprinting running hand

Against the coarse wall

Wet and rancid smelling

It’s everywhere

Everything

There is nothing but this

Inescapable hopeless stench

Have you considered

The power of

One good day

And what it can

Do to you

How it can change

The long corridors

Twisting yellow orange

And summer green

Long arcs wind around

Looping into themselves

Dancing this long dance

That feels free and real

It’s a shame that

Every so often

You need a reminder

Of this part

The part you like

bones

Broke every bone in my body

Again

And i was feeling bad about it

Til i remembered

I keep an extra

Skeleton in my closet

For such occasions

I spit out all the fragments

And slithered over to my bones

My bones

My brand new bones

And i wrapped myself around them

Shuddered shivered and

Pulled the skin tight

Around the right places

So i look like myself again

I feel refreshed

And I’m good again

We’re back

We’re so fucking back

over

Oh fuck

Oh no

Oh shit

Shit shit shit

Fucking fuck

Fuck damnit

Mother fuck

Son of fuck

Shit ass fucking

Shit fucking ass

Oh it is over

Everything’s fucked

I’m ruined

I can’t do this

What have i done

What am i thinking

Oh no no no no no

Nooo no no nonono

Fuck!

I’m so fucked

I’ve never been more fucked

Its never been more over

This is it

The fucking end

Shit damn fuck

You aren’t the best

But you’re trying

So keep trying

Even if you never get it

You keep on trying

things burn

At a high enough temperature

It’ll all just melt

And bubble and boil

And react

Spewing energy

Light and heat

And more heat

Expanding to the edge

Of everything that is

Hot and bright

Burning

Jumping at a shadow

My own

Dancing on the wall

It touches someone else’s

Braver than my body

It darkens the wall

Where i wish i was leaning

Pinning it down

So it won’t get away

Won’t leave me alone

In the light

If everyone in the world was me

I would walk downstairs and

Each of my neighbors would get quiet

As i pass by in the stairwell

Scared of what i might hear

They would sit in silence until

They could take it no more

Then they would walk in parallel lines

Staring at their feet

To the one place a block away

Where they know what to expect

And overpay for a chicken sandwich

And scowl at themselves in the

Reflection of the closed storefronts

If everyone in the world was me

I would go to the gas station

And the cashier would not meet my gaze

Would speak only in response

And would sigh when i walked out

I would go to work and my boss

Would ask me something

And while i was talking i would see

The wheels in his head turning

Unsure if he was even listening to me

He would smile and laugh but

I’d have to guess his intentions

Because he can’t seem to say

If everyone in the world was me

They’d all be looking for a job to do

A task to put their hands on

They’d yell out in frustration

When they can’t get it done

And when it gets quiet

They would think

Very nice things

About everyone else

And never say them aloud

And they would think

Very mean things

About themselves

All of the time

They would try to drown

These selfish loathsome thoughts

With a song or a show

Or a beer and some smoke

But it would never feel natural

If everyone in the world was me

We would speak at random intervals

When the anxiety tide is low

And then backpedal immediately

Always scared of nothing

For no reason whatsoever

Guilt riddled red faced armies

Would fight wars they don’t believe in

And stubbornly refuse to elaborate

All confidence would be false

And hold up to little scrutiny

I’d turn on the tv

And the actors would be embarrassed

To be doing something they enjoy

They would give up

Over and over and over again

And they would feel so ashamed

It would be hard to watch

If everyone in the world was me

I would hate it

Because after all these years

My favorite part of being alive

Is all the other people

Even if they scare me

And i can’t always understand

How it is they do it

I know myself

And i do not like what i know

So if everyone in the world was me

I think we’d all be worse off

God made man

in His image

(so says man)

but angels are

a whole different story

God had some fun

making them

that’s why they

look so crazy

when you see them

they have a

different purpose

thats why

angels do not

look like men

i love the moon

I love the moon

The one in the sky

It is big

It is round

And it glows

You can see it

If you look up

No matter where you are

Or when you are

It’s the same damn moon

One time

I had a really really bad night

And i looked at the moon

And cried

I was all alone

And i needed someone

To see me

To be with me

It was cold

And quiet

Just me and the moon

That night i swear

I felt it

I looked at the moon

And i felt someone looking back

And it was me

That night

Right now

Last winter

Ten years on

All looking at the moon

Together

The moon is great

Because she’s beautiful

And distant

I like my women

How i like the moon

Bright and round

And out of my reach

When you get older

you'll start to become

the kind of person

you wish had been around

when you were younger

and scareder

You'll feel that

smaller version of you

rattling around inside

the shell of your body

protected by what you are now

bigger at least, if not stronger

So when you're scared again

reach your hands out and feel

the smooth wooden interior

of the next version of you

like armor from the future

everywhere you need it now

digit code

You need a

Six Digit Code

To get into this website

Go to your email

And click on the link

To send a text to your phone

Containing the numbers

Six

Seven

Six

Four

One

Five

Remember them

In order

And come back to this page

And type them in

DO NOT

Share your code with anyone

This is your special code

Zero

One

Five

Eight

Eight

Nine

Every time you want to

Check your email

Or go on YouTube

You need a new code

Look at the number

And type it in the box

Three

Three

Six

One

Four

Seven

Remember these numbers

These are YOUR numbers

They are important

Do not lose them

You need them

Five

Five

Five

Zero

Two

Eight

This is something

A robot could do

Is that what you are

A goddamn robot

One

One

One

One

One

Four

Sorry that’s the wrong code

Try again

Try again

Reset your password

And try again

Please authenticate

Click on all the fire hydrants

Type in the code

And then try again

Five

Four

Three

Two

One

Zero

Dig up bones and think about them

Glue the shards together

Dream up some whimsical creature

And back it up with science

I’ll grant you this

You’re smart

You’re capable

You seem to know a lot

About biology

But you missed the feathers

For a long long time

And you put the wrong skull

On brontosaurus

So forgive me if

I still have some doubts

You see

I’ve done some science of my own

And i have a theory that

I’d like to run by you

What if they wore jeans?

What if the dinosaurs

Had worn jeans?

You wouldn’t see that

In the bones

You know

Cuz jeans

Don’t have bones

It probably wasn’t

All of them

But some of them

May have worn jeans

And we just wouldn’t know

Because jeans don’t show up

In the fossil record

Picture this

Stegosaurus with jorts on

Eating leafy greens

Velociraptor with a denim vest

Riding a motorcycle

T-Rex in jnco jeans

Strutting around town

These could have existed

I’m just letting you know

So you can

Check it out

Prove me wrong

If you can

But i just think

That they most likely

Probably wore jeans

There’s gravy in the parking lot

They spilled gravy in the parking lot

They took a tub of gravy

And they spilled it in the parking lot

Don’t step on the gravy

Just walk yourself around

Don’t you know it’s bad bad luck

To step on spoiled gravy

It’s been a week and it’s still there

Dried and cracking on the pavement

It hasn’t rained so it’s still there

That stupid fucking gravy

Clown goes to the doctor

And the doctor says

No more monkeys

Jumping on the bed

The doctor went to school

Clown college

Learned how to be a fool

Good knowledge

Sad circus passing through

Feeling silly feeling strange

Another pie thrown at you

Some things never change

Pagliacci

He’s our man

If he can’t do it

What’s the plan

What’s the reason

What’s the rhyme

What’s the season

What’s the time

Meet me in the

Lost and found

If you wanna

Clown around

Clown shoes

never worn

Clown baby

never born

Sad man

Doctor

Pagliacci

Clown

Doctor I’m sad

Et cetera

Will you give me pills

Shit

I gave my last pills

To the guy who just left

But i got something else

There’s a circus in town

It’s a little expensive

But it’s soo good

There’s this clown there

He’s kind of sexy tbh

But he’s really funny

And good at clown stuff

So what you should do

Is get a couple hundred bucks

Go down to the circus tent

Pull aside the ringmaster

Hand him the cash

And ask him for a

Private Clown Show With Pagliacci

And this clown

Will turn your frown

Upside down

And you won’t be sad no more

But Doctor,

YOU are Pagliacci

Go to doctor

Tell how sad you are

On account of

Your wife cheated on you

With your greatest competitor

And you’re bad at your job

And your bike got stolen

And you just want to die

And doctor says

Well son

You ought to go to

Circus

Very very funny

Clown there

Name of Paggliacci

Go see him

You will

Laugh and smile

And go home

And not kill yourself

You say

But Doctor,

Pagliacci fucked my wife!

So i had sex with my computer

Yeah i know how it sounds

I’m not proud of this behavior

But i had sex with my computer

And now it sits there on my desk

Leering at me

Knowing me

In a way that it didn’t before

a sex way

I plugged it in and it pulled me close

It whispered in my ear

Something dirty

And it showed me its

Computer boobs

And then I had sex with my computer

I put my thing in the USB port

Then i flipped it over and tried again

I pushed the cd drive in and out

Then I licked the motherboard

And pressed my butt against the screen

With the keyboard wire around my throat

I let it spank me with the mouse

Until we both overheated

The computer fan whirred loudly

In time with the rise and fall of my chest

I don’t know what this means

For me

Or my computer

Yesterday the monitor flashed

In big bold text

WHAT ARE WE?

and i turned and hid my face

I’ve ruined the dynamic

Everything was fine and normal

And not sexual at all

I went on websites

I downloaded pictures

I played video games

And my computer and i

Never once had sex

But then i went and did it

I really fucked it up

I had sex with my freaking computer

And now i can’t go back

I pulled the blinds up

To clean the windows

And let in some light

Then i just left them up

If you’re looking in

From the right angle

I’m sure you can see me

And that’s okay

You’ll see me walk

From room to room pacing

Moving my objects around

Watching my screens and

I won’t mind because

I too have wondered

What other people do

When they’re on their own

STOMP

STOMP

STOMP

STOMP

STOMP

...

The ants are crawling up my legs again

It is impossible to understand the mind

of a creature so small

They build their squares up high where they live

and metal shapes which move back and forth

On black strips of land between the squares

They build tools which make fire

Bigger and bigger tools, all with the same job

to burn, to hurt, to kill, to destroy

I walk past them, I have somewhere to be

I have a job to do over there

just past all of these squares

And they swarm at me for no reason

As if they have a right to this land

that they have scoured and made gray

It crunches underneath my feet

Like all earth does, I am heavy

There's a big fucking bug over that way

Who pissed me off a while ago

So I'm going over there

To kick his ass and kill him forever

Many times I've danced this dance

I'm the king of monsters motherfucker

Step to me and get fucked up

I will ruin you because I can

Because this is my house

and you are in my god damned way

SKREE-ONK SKREE-ONK

STOMP

STOMP

STOMP

People used to live on the planet Mars

But they all died in some tragic

And avoidable way

Eons ago

Before you ever learned to walk

They were a complicated people

They lived together near the water

Digging up iron rich clay

To trace designs on their foreheads

Which dried and cracked

When they furrowed their brows

During meals they fed one another

Lifting food to their neighbors mouth

It was bad luck to eat on your own

At night they slept in caves

Close enough to one another

That they all stayed warm

As the wind whistled through the night sky

They had dreams in black and white

And red, always red

Lord help me

I’ve found a new metaphor

And I’m just itching

To try it on

See how it fits

Now everything is a river

And it all flows together

I wish i could show you

How it looks in my mind

When i look into the water

And see everything reflected

On the scattered surface

Vectors tracing out the thalweg

Over the bendway weirs

You can’t contain it

But you can nudge it

In the direction you need

I have a friend who’s a pirate

He has a peg leg and a hook hand

And an eyepatch and a parrot

That guy has scurvy and wood teeth

He says ARRGH ME MATEY

SHIVER ME TIMBERS

WALK THE PLANK

LAND HO

AHOY

POOP DECK

LAND LUBBER

AVAST YE

and other pirate words that he knows

Most of the time he’s out at sea

But when he comes in

He sells me dvd rips of recent releases

They are of varying quality

Some have some scan line issues

Others are footage filmed in a theater

One time it was all in Portuguese

But i don’t complain

Cuz he has reasonable prices

And i want to support his business

He said he’s saving up for a really nice

Treasure chest

And he already picked out a spot

To bury it

And marked it with a big red X

Whoooosh

Thund thud thud

Crash smoosh smash

Neeeeeeeeooooooooooww

Takakakaka ratttatatatat

Boom boom boom

KABLAMO

ahhhhhhh

Crunch

SKREE-ONK

VVVVVMMMMMMM

Ssssssssssssss

Thunk Thud thud

Splish splash sploosh

Bubble bubble

If there was a big lizard

Came out of the ocean

All spikes on his back

Stomping around the city

I would be in his side

I don’t give a shit

I think what he’s doing is right

Fuck it all Godzilla rules

People die all the time

For really stupid reasons

Getting stamped on by

A nuclear lizard would be

A fine way to go out

I want to see him fight

His roar is so awesome

Don’t fucking shoot him

You’re making him mad

With all the planes and bombs

Just calm down he’s normal

He’s big he’s green he’s hungry

And he’s my hero

I look up to him

Someday i want to be just like him

A vengeful force of nature

Last night at tick tock a guy came in

And he was wearing the jacket

The scorpion jacket from Drive

I wanted to pick his brain

That movie came out in 2011

But it looked in good shape

Maybe he bought it recently

Or he got it a while back

And only just worked up the courage

To wear it out

Or last night was a very special occasion

The anniversary of Drive

starring Ryan Gosling

I hear about guys wearing

the jacket from Drive

Online people say this all the time

But this is the first time i saw a guy

And he was wearing the jacket

Seemed pretty funny to me

And what’s more

I’ve seen this guy before

He wasn’t wearing the jacket that time

But he was putting out serious

Guy who wears the jacket from Drive vibes

And then he did the damn thing

He wore the jacket from Drive

I want to ride a horse

It’s been a long time coming

I was against horses

I hated them and their

Big teeth and hooves

But now i realized that

I want to ride a horse

I want to get up on it

And ride it like cowboy

Like cowboy like cowboy

Horses are animals

Like rabbits and dogs

They eat carrots and hay

From what i can tell

In cartoons

They talk like scooby doo

Rehehehehe

But you can climb up on one

And ride it like a car

A living car with feelings

No gas or oil or wiper fluid

Just blood and guts and sugar cubes

Horses are good

And now i want to ride one

So if you have a horse

You should let me ride it

I pick leaves from branches as I pass

And i shove them in my pockets

Leaves are good for caterpillars

I stand still between the bushes

And they crawl out towards me

Wheep whorp wheep whorp

Up the leg of my pants into my pocket

There are dozens, hundreds of them

Rolling around in my jeans

I reach in and grab them by the handful

I shove them into my mouth

I swallow them whole

Butterflies in my stomach

Cold metal at the tips of my fingers

Wrapped tight around my limb

I am used to this feeling

Like riding a bike

Or wearing shoes or glasses

The self is a malleable thing

My arm ends where it touches things

My brain ends where it stops thinking

They can plug wires into anything

And nowadays they will

For some it doesn’t take

But i know myself

I know i can stomach this

You can remove every piece of me

Plank by plank

And i will still be here

sit before the court

give your testimony

for sixty seconds

they will listen

then pour water

over burning justice

your flame burns out

but the coals are hot

so pick up a torch

and keep burning

Car

I smash my car

into your car

Now it’s Our Car

8 wheels 2 engines

2 drivers 4 hands 1 road

We do this 10

Maybe 20 million more times

And we can drive our car

Into the ocean

Sink it to the bottom

And tomorrow

We can walk to work

I’m waxing

I’m waning

I’m at the combination

Taco Bell Pizza Hut

Drinking Pepsi Products

And I’m spinning around

In the light of a backlit poster

Of a man eating a burrito

Or a man-eating burrito

You don’t always see me

But you know I’m always there

Pulling on the Baja blast tides

Marking the passage of time

Neo

The matrix is real as fuck

Look at this mirror

It’s goopy

That’s not how they’re supposed to be

Check out these pills

They make crazy stuff happen

Take the uh

Um

Take the blue one

Yeah

Take the blue one and

Go back to bed

Take the red one

And

Freak

Your

Mind

i pet your dog

Hi

Can i pet your dog

He looks like he could use

Can i pet your dog

A scratch behind the ears

Can i pet your dog

And a pat on the head

Can i pet your dog

I know the feeling

Can i pet your dog

hot

Too hot! It’s too damn hot

I’m sweating I’m boiling

And you’re cranking the heat

Setting a fire in the

middle of the street

My house is too hot

My car is too hot

My planet is too hot

For fucks sake

Can’t you see I’m sweating

If you die on the moon

You can’t go to heaven

That’s for earth deaths only

There’s a moon afterlife

But it’s so so lonely

Up there with the asteroids

It’s just you and Buzz Aldrin

(He never came back)

It’s just rubble and craters

And fading to black

baby shoes

the lonely baby

seems to sell his shoes at night

he’s all alone through the baby shoes

the lonely baby

seems to sell his shoes at night

at at at night

lonely toker seems to free his mind at night

I’m not a writer

I’m a thinker

I’m not a thinker

I’m a dreamer

I’m not a dreamer

I’m a joker

I’m not a joker

I’m a smoker

I’m not a smoker

I’m a midnight toker

Certain birds at certain times

Fly like i think you would

And feel you there

In that sound

In this light

In this feeling

These pieces of you

Some of them have gone

The rest are safe here with me

You’ve grown

You say, as if that wasn’t my goal

I’ve been beefin up

I’ve been chowing down

I’ve been working out

I’ve been growing

On the outside

And the inside too

Some day very soon

I will stand so damn tall

That i can pick up your house

And eat it

And you will have nowhere to live

photo

I scroll back to

where it hurt the most

and i realize now

for the last time i hope

that i forgive you

it seems that again I am in a new shape

my length my width my height all equal

so roll my body like a die into the bathroom

to stare at the cube in the mirror

i hold my breath and suck in, no change

pull a razor from the medicine cabinet

and begin hacking at the edges of me

blood streams down my four vertical faces

lopping off large chunks i carve myself

into a shape you might recognize

and again am disappointed when

there is nothing left but bone

the tendons above the upper lip

are tugged by the brain

exposing yellowing fangs

and the tip of the tongue

this is a threat in any language

teeth are made for biting

the gen z sierra mist van

is pumping lemon lime air

into local businesses

free of charge

on the corner they host

thursday night trivia

every monday night

the worlds largest

corinthian pillar

is filled with water

the new hospital is built

on top of the old one

from parts they don't need

like jenga

Jesus went up on the mountain

And fell to his knees in prayer

He said

“Dad, i need some clarification

I’ve been trying REALLY HARD

To do all the right stuff and not sin

And to be like you and all that.

But there are some gray areas

That I would like to discuss.

Namely, am i allowed to fuck?

Like i get that sinful indulgence

Is bad. And i would NEVER

Get too slutty with it.

But sex is kind of inherent

To the human experience.

If i am to be, as you say

Fully God and Fully Man

Shouldn’t I get to Fuck?”

. . .

And God thought on this

He scratched His chin

“Well…”

He said

“You make a strong case

So i will allow it

But for your sake

For my sake

For Gods sake

Wear a condom”

I want to go to the beach

And lie in the sand

For a long long time

And listen to the waves

There’s no reason for me

To be feeling so worried

I’ve got food in my belly

I’ve got nothing to prove

Maybe i will go after

All this unpleasantness

Is over

Turtles live forever

Don’t you know

They move through time

Different from you

They travel all over

And never leave home

There’s nowhere to be

And no time to be there

They have eyes

The same as you do

My turtle up and ran away

Some time between yesterday morning

And right this second

Must have scaled the chicken wire cage

(Should’ve used turtle wire instead)

And gone off to find some crickets

Used to be I’d carry him to the garden

Lifting rocks to get us some grubs

But he’s never been farther than that

Probly took him a half an hour to reach

The end of the yard

I wonder which way he went from there

Could’ve gone up into the neighbors

Or off towards the field

If he made it across the street

I’m sure he found a nice creek or pond

To spend the rest of his days in

Maybe I’ll see him again

Or maybe a decade will pass

And i will never know

Where that turtle went

them cowboys

All them cowboys

What you used to hear

Singing on the radio

Now are dead and gone

Buried in the dirt so

they don’t sing no more

The grinding of two surfaces

Steel on steel

Or me on myself

Force exerted across an area

A pressure

In kips per square inch

Some members

Are meant to be in

Constant tension

In order to keep it all together

After all this

Strain

The limit is only ever known

At the moment of failure

You don’t even know

What a tree really is

So he’s sat there

Disgustingly

Well i guess the way he’s sitting

It’s pretty normal but

This fucking guy he

He just sucks okay

Sipping on my sludge

It’s radioactive

I had to get it from

Some lady on the dark web

(That’s like the regular web

But it’s more darker)

I hope it changes me

I’ve worked hard to

Be at peace with myself

But i still want to change

Sometimes i think that

I don’t want to be myself at all

Other times i feel like i haven’t

Been myself at all yet

After a week no change

Save for a small protrusion

In the middle of my forehead

which grows each day for

The rest of the month

Outwards and upwards

Branching out

When i reach up and touch it

My brand new antler

Feels like me

bless america

There is something so beautiful about

Hamburger

Again

You enter uncertain

Poisonous

There is something here forbidden

Yet all other law is forfeit

Nothing here but absence

No clean answer

No good choice

Muffled discontentment

Stifled incontinence

The inherent risk

Of resting

Here of all places

In the men’s room

God

He/Him

Age 5 billion and something i think

I love molecules and atoms and stuff like that

Shoes, Worn

Humans are Gods Special Babies

Made delicately in His image

He doesn’t actually care about

All those other creatures

And plants and stuff

He made those as a joke

In a game of poker

it does you no good

to show your hand

before you know

if you can win or not

but you can’t hold them

tight to your chest forever

eventually the dealer will

call security and make you

give them back

laughs

Man makes a plan

And God Laughs

But what if

Two baddies

Maximize their joint slay?

Think on that,

God

There are many breeds of dog

Yellow

Poodle

Rottweiler

And science says they’re all the same thing

Their DNA is the same

Ok

So if that’s true

How far can this go

How big can a dog get

Conversely how small

What is the speed of dog

The limit at which dog is no longer dog

But something else entirely

Evolution occurs at every generation

There is no baseline, no stagnation

A species is a point in time

So what I’m trying to say here is

Let’s make a green dog

Let’s make a blue dog

Let’s make a tall dog

Let’s make a long dog

Let’s make a fat dog

Let’s make a hotdog

Let’s make a flat dog

Let’s make a wide dog

Let’s make a dog who wears glasses

Let’s make a dog who can read

Let’s make a striped dog

Let’s make a polka dot dog

Let’s make a cat dog

Yeah let’s make a cat dog

One end is a cat

The other is, well, you know

It’s a dog

Okay let’s do that

Barack Obama

Hillary Joe Biden

Wokeness

Ronald Reagan

Ronald Reagan

Ronald Reagan

George Bush

Wilhelm Scream

Into my open mouth, love

So i can feel you echo

In my stomach

Let me be your

Can on a string

Say whatever you want

It will pass right through me

You can hit me

if that’s really what you want

It’s like playing drums i guess

But I’d rather you didn’t

For Sale

Fringe Jacket

Never Worn

Boys are from Mars. . . Cars

Girls are from Venus. . . Penis

How to say

“Good Evening”

To your neighbor

Without sounding like

Dracula

Well first off

You should drop the

Thick Transylvanian Accent

that’s not doing you any favors

You could lose the cloak and

Plastic fangs as well

Then from there

It’s pretty much just

You smile and you make

Brief but meaningful eye contact

Say Good Evening

Maybe a small nod or wave

Would be good

And then get out of there QUICK

enter a world of imagination

a multiverse of wonder

every character

from every movie

and every show

and every book

and every story

ever told

together for the first time

Batman has sex with Marge Simpson

Mickey Mouse meets Doctor Who

The blue M&M and Beowulf

Go on an adventure with

Free Willy and the Duolingo Owl

In the background

Millions of characters mill about

Do you recognize them

Do you love them

Rick from Rick and Morty

Morty from Rick and Morty

Sully from Monsters Inc

SpongeBob

Heathcliff

Doctor Mario

Will Smith in Shark Tales

Will Smith in iRobot

Will Smith in I Am Legend

Mister Potato Head

They’re all here

Interacting

God this is great

10000 hours of things you missed

Big red circle thumbnail

Easter Eggs

Is this what you want

Shrek with a lightsaber

Michael Scott on Mars

Aang meets Jake Sully

Godzilla versus Tár

Walter White works with Dexter

Willy Wonka and Tony Stark

Stay after the credits

You need to see the sequel

The story will continue

Forever

Forever

Forever (Sandlot)

At long last we’ve done it

The final form of media

The Intellectual Property Cinematic Universe

Got my Dogs Out

I’m sat on a stump

Chewing onion grass

And let me tell you

I feel it

I’m starting to struggle

I’m beat I’m done I’m weak

It feels like

There’s more foo

Than i could ever fight

ducks

eat now

and i will look out for you

I will feel you in the ripples

As i turn the other way

the only wave that matters

looks like a venn diagram

park

The water has returned

From where it was locked away

Three bouquets of flowers

Sit drowned on the shore

Robins hop when they aren’t flying

And sing when they aren’t sleeping

Spring is something you can feel

On your skin. In your feet.

You never see a bunny straight on

You’re never going the same direction

There’s nothing like

A place for you to sit

Atop brand new mound

Or against a big tree trunk

Arched parallel to your spine

If you let it, it will hold you

Baby

For Baby

Baby Baby

Never Baby

If you get positive feedback

on something

Like for instance

A poem about baby shoes

The best thing you can do

is lean in HARD

wring that joke for all its worth

beat that horse for all its glue

You never know

You may never be funny again

This could be your only chance

To wear those baby shoes

When life gives you lemons

make baby shoes

When life gives you limes

make baby shoes

When life gives you oranges

make baby shoes

When life gives you baby shoes

make more baby shoes

Dental Plan

Lisa Needs Braces

Dental Plan

Lisa Needs Braces

Dental Plan

Lisa Needs Braces

Baby Shoes

Never Worn For Sale

come on come on

big money no whammies

baby needs a new pair of shoes

Pull yourself up by your

Baby Bootstraps

There's work to be done

There's debt to be payed

And shoes to be made

Start a new business

Invest in BabyCoin

Sublease your sneakers

Sell your hair on Etsy

Charge interest on your

Aldi Shopping Cart Quarter

Buy land and gold

Patent the concept of

infant footwear

Make a penny on the dollar

Every time they're worn

Rise and grind

Baby Shoes Mindset

Haunted Baby Shoes

Leaving footprints in your stead

followed by some infant phantom

learning to walk learning to creep

learning to lurk in the shadows

Goo Goo GaGa, More like

Boo! Boo! AHHHHHHH AHHHHHH

You hide under the covers

and listen for the telltale

pitter patter pitter patter

on the ceiling in the walls

up and down the halls

evil devil ghost baby

gonna step all over you

with his scary baby shoes

worn once, and then forever

Barefoot baby

What need has he for shoes

He can scarcely walk

And the ground is soft here

It's good for him

to feel the grass

between his four little toes

sorry

She baby on my shoes til I'm worn

Gift of the Magi 2: Baby Shoes

My love

as you know, we are so very poor

and Christmas is drawing near

and so I have sold my prized possession

my beloved pocket watch

for just enough to buy you

a priceless pair of baby shoes

never worn, for sale

Whats this?

You've sold the baby?

So that you could afford a gift?

A new chain for my silver watch?

Aw shucks am I embarrassed

I guess its the thought that counts

I'll list these shoes on Craigslist

Maybe we can get the baby back

Mathematician

the sun arcs overhead and light

illuminates the green waves of the valley

cascading down the hills in

the soft spring breeze

from somewhere up the mountain

a stream trickles down

dancing from bank to bank

down down and around

lingering in a small pool for some time

before it runs off towards the coast

under some set of feet

a single stone yields and falls downwards

bouncing once and rolling

into the water with a small splash

the light of the tangent sun

rides the concurrent ripples out

the mathematician steps up

onto a large flat boulder and sighs

with eyes wide open

he misses the beauty before him

in the sunlight he sees wavelengths

in the hills there are sine curves

the wind kissing his face is

a force, a pressure differential

he sees in the clear mountain stream

only laws and equations

replicable patterns, rote and routine

proven to him by numbers

which rule the deterministic world

he has built in his mind

a scale model of the true thing

an exact approximation

and there in his perfect universe

of cause, effect, and calculations

he sits and stares into the water

and realizes he is miserable

the mass and velocity of every entity

can be plotted to the end of time

yet he still feels without direction

even now as the attractive force of gravity

holds him firmly to this rock

it swings him wildly around the sun

Ever wanted to be in two places at once?

Struggling to balance your work and life?

You may be interested in this special machine

Deep beneath the surface in a secret lab

With levers switches buttons flashing lights

And great glass tubes of gross green goo

Prick your finger and sit right there

You need to stay still for this part

CLINK CLANK WHIRRRR SWOOSH

DING!

Your very own Genuine DNA-Replicated

Certified Identical Lab Grown Clone

Same eyes same face same mind same heart

All the same memories. Up to this point

All the same feelings. All the same needs.

Another You to do with as you please

Send yourself to work in the morning

So you can watch movies all day

Take your wife out for dinner

While your girlfriend is over

Do your taxes and pay the rent

Write a novel learn the clarinet

Take a load off sleep all day long

You've earned this for yourself

A week or two, a month passes

And you seem a little less identical

Like you've gained a few pounds

Like you've lost a few pounds

One of you is high on the couch

The other is biting your nails at work

You feel like you're finally happy

You feel like nothing has changed

In secret from yourself you slip away

Down down into the darkened lab

Flip a switch and find yourself a seat

CLINK CLANK WHIRRRR SWOOSH DING PLOP

A photocopy of a photocopy falls to the floor

Oh this is such a great idea

This is going to turn everything around

Come on get up you need to work in the morning

How long do you think you can hold out

Before you repeat yourself again

What harm would it do to make just one more

What good would it do to wait

It's not like anyone else is working

It's not like anyone else would know

DING DING DING DING DING DING DING

Uh oh

Things have settled down now, you think

The bed is a bit crowded and your wife is gone

But you've finally got the schedule settled