PLEASE KEEP THIS IN MIND BEFORE READING: This blog/journal is organized in a certain way. The most recent updates are at the bottom and the oldest are at the top. I hope you enjoy my chaotic life and mind, thank you. [You are allowed to just skip the first couple of weeks and go straight to the most recent if you please, The oldest stuff is a bit boring.]

Another note: if anyone was wondering, Yes I did change my name on here, I didn't like using my real name incase anyone found this accidentally.

No clue what I am doing. This is a test run.

Slowly figuring things out.

Got this idea from a good friend.

6/11/22

Currently 1am. Wondering if I should sleep at all tonight. Although I wonder that every night.

7/11/22

I woke up to a friend request from someone I thought I'd never speak to again. I don't know how to feel about it.

Sitting down thinking about school and the exams which start on Tuesday, if I don't do well my mother will kill me. I'll do my best.

Thinking about people I have known in the past and reminding myself of our friendship and memories. But my current friends are better, I couldn't ask for a better best friend, we said if we are both not married by the age of 40, we shall get married and have an open marriage. It's nearly been a year since we became best friends, the time flew by.

17/11/22

It has been a good few days since I last updated my blog and others.

20/11/22

Watching one of my best friends singing her heart out to some songs, of course I joined in.

12/12/22

I always tell people I'm busy almost all the time, and sure that might be true, but sometimes I'm busy doing nothing, when I say I'm busy, what I really mean is, my mind is busy.

Spoken to an old friend today, didn't realize how different we are to each other, people say opposites attract, but others say they push each other away.

My mother asked me why I liked thunderstorms so much, in which I replied, "Because it shows that even nature needs to scream sometimes"

14/12/22

I am just patiently waiting until the Christmas break so I can finally breathe. I am getting an Oculus Quest 2 and I am so excited to the point where I keep watching YouTube videos about them, the Oculus will almost be my escape from reality, I will just put the headset on, and I will be in a different world, a different mind. A mind that isn't going through the same shit.

I am listening to a podcast by the name of "Get your shit together" I clicked on it the second it came up in my notifications bar.

22/12/22

I need to take a break from everyone, I'm sick of being pushed around and used as basically a slave just because I happen to be the youngest in the family but yet I feel like an adult. My body therapist says I have an old mind on young shoulders, I know too much for my age.

Aside from all that, I am making PIZZA SUBS! I hope they aren't burning while I'm typing this.

25/1/23

I got the worst news of my life the other day and honestly, I don't know how to feel, I don't know how I'm going to live after February. I'm going to be back in the same sad routine as I was in in first year.

Speaking of first year, allow me to take the time to explain how it was for me, beginning of the year: went from friend to friend to friend until I met S. Best friends for 2 months until they backstabbed me and betrayed me randomly. Then I had no one, absolutely no one, I woke up, went to school, not a word said to me all day, repeat for 7 months. I was an outcast, the "Quiet" kid as some will call it. S told me that the only reason she was friends with me was because she was bored waiting for N to come back to her, so she used me to pass time. Then I was constantly insulted for months and told no one. Up until i met E towards the end of the year, now I cant imagine a time without her. 2nd year has been fine (although S still hasn't stopped fully) Up until now, my grades have been okay but I will try improve anyway, I say that but yet I know Ill just sleep all day.

13/2/2023

I've been outside all day. I find that weird because I'm always inside. My house is surrounded by fields and mountains so its very quiet. I decided to get away from everything for a while since the past few days have just been weird and went on a walk, I walked and walked across many fields until I seen an abandoned oil tank in the middle of a field, which was also surrounded by more fields, there was no one to be seen so I climbed up on to the oil tank and closed my eyes, just letting the wind glide through my hair, for once in my life I was at peace, even if it was only for a few seconds, everything was fine, I wish everyone had experienced that, at least once. From now on ill be sitting there for at least an hour every day.

I also went on a very very fast paced walk with my mam, she walks on the same route every single day and she asked me to join her, so I did. It was actually an okay walk, we talked about things that annoy us and how the world has changed over the past few decades. I had a lot to say of course since I adore talking about things that annoy me or make my skin crawl. My best friends don't really like talking about deep stuff, except for R, she always talks with me for hours and its always fun, we normally stay up all night by accident, but we just shrug it off and keep chatting. E isn't a fan of deep conversations, I think that's because she has never tried, it could be really good for her to just let it out, I would never judge her or anything, I just think it could be nice.

But aside from all that, the mid-term has been going quite slow for me, probably since I'm alone all the time. I'm not sad about it, I don't want to go back to school at all whatsoever since I failed the last math's test, Mr. D probably wont leave me alone now.

Dang I've been talking for a while today, Ill talk more tomorrow, I wonder if random people actually read this.

Also its Valentines Day tomorrow and obviously I am alone. I don't mind being alone really, okay part of that is a lie.

I've been listening to the same song on repeat all day, Its Called: Freefall is the name of the song, and yes, the ''Its Called'' is part of the name. Its not the type of song id normally put on repeat but oh well, its still a good one. I've also gotten really good at rapping Hamilton songs.

R I KNOW UR READING THIS, WILL U BE MY PLATONIC VALENTINE MY LOVE?

SHE SAID YESSS.

14/2/23

Today is Valentines Day, woohooo. R is staying at my house tonight and is currently watching me type this [help me] Today I cleaned the oil tank that I spoke about before and someone came up to me and thought I was spray painting it, but no, sadly I'm not a criminal. I got all the fungus off of it and now it is safe for me to sit on whenever I please. Id like to think I done the owner of the field a favor for cleaning his oil tank for absolutely no reason other then the fact its my sitting spot. I wonder if anyone actually reads this. Other than the 2 people that I KNOW reads this. [that includes R obviously]

Its cold.

16/2/23

I received a bracelet from one of my best friends today.

I will wear it for the rest of my life.

I didn't go back up to the oil tank today, I'm not quite sure why, I just don't feel like walking.

There's a song stuck in my head.

17/2/23

The past 2 days have been terrible.

I've been outside all day because I cannot stay in my house anymore because of my sister and her boyfriend, I tried to block it all out with music but its not enough, I couldn't find my coat for ages so I just gave up and grabbed my mothers one, I asked for permission don't worry. I sat outside in the cold alone for hours just scrolling on Tiktok.

I'm feeling confused right now.

19/2/23

I just completed a Spanish blog I had to send in to my teacher, personally I think it went well. I'm currently sitting at my Technical Graphics desk which is placed up against my window, I have the window open and the cool air is comforting, I can hear children playing in the field behind my house, which is where my windows facing, from what I gathered they are fighting because someone ''peeked in Hide N' Seek'' I only have my window open a small bit since I don't want any flies or bugs creeping in here when I'm not looking.

Its a bit cloudy today, but that doesn't bother me, I'm not a fan of sunny weather since I get sunburned really easily, which is my hair colors fault, I'm a strawberry blonde would ya believe it. And apparently that makes me a target to the suns rays.

I'm thinking about writing a novel, I'm aware that I'm only 14 and writing a novel would take up a lot of my time and energy, but that wont stop me. My main concern is: Would people actually read it? I'm sure my friends and family would, but I'm not sure if they would relate as much as people all across the world, plus, making a novel is expensive and everyone knows my mother would not be on board with draining my college funds. If I even have college funds that is.

20/2/23

I completed a ton of work today, I finished all the Spanish work from today in less then 20 mins, god I was on a roll. I tried to complete as much of my mathematics CBA as I possibly could but I need to go outside and measure stuff and sadly I'm not too fond of going out in the dark.

My Alexa/Echo/Robot assistant/Loud bitch seems to be very fond of 80s music since she keeps managing to play every single song that happens to be from that time, and the thing is, I barley have any 80s songs in my liked playlist. Well, I have a specific playlist dedicated to 80s and 90s music but that's because it absolutely slaps. You just cant beat older music. I like todays music but you never get the same vibe as 80s shit.

You wanna know something I find funny, I don't care I'm gonna say it anyway. My best friend and I have the EXACT SAME music taste, I compared our liked playlists and I could only find ONE song I didn't have in mine. [maybe it was 2 or 3 songs but anyways idfk]

I try to keep this journal PG but sometimes when I'm happy or excited ill say the most random shit ever and yet PEOPLE STILL LAUGH, HOW? IDK. My sisters boyfriend thinks I'm way too funny, like I literally just live my life and apparently its comedy gold.

I could go on forever about the silly shit I do but then we would all be here forever wouldn't we. So this is where I'm gonna wrap it up today, goodnight to whoever reads this.

Nevermind I'm back.

Currently on a call with one of my best friends, talking about all the times we got away with things in school.

You wanna know another thing I find funny? I'm still gonna say it anyway. Every time I laugh its a completely different type of laugh, I could come at ya with the kettle wheeze, the no breather, the loud cackle, the squeal, the list is endless, never the same. I get weird looks sometimes but I'm too busy trying to catch my breath to care.

I have to write about a novel we are reading in English tomorrow, the book is alright in my opinion but Its not really my type of book, I am more into mature books, as in, books adults would read. I just like them better. My teachers think I have a wonderful reading voice because my voice is soft but clear and quick. I remember when my English teacher made me read for like 35 minutes straight because she was sick of slow readers and wanted to actually make progress in the book that day, I didn't really mind but my mouth was very dry after all that reading, AND SHE KEPT CUTTING ME OFF, THAT WAS THE WORST PART. I would just be reading and then she stops me and says shit like ''Now everyone this part is very important and you will have to make references to this in the future.'' Then, I would try begin to read again BUT NOPE SHE WASNT DONE. SHE KEEPS GOING. And every single time I think she's done and I can finally finish the page, she adds on to what she's saying ONCE AGAIN. I didn't make a fuss though, I just kept going when she wanted and then it was passed on to another person. She only made other people read for like 10 mins.

21/2/23

I should be leaving for school soon but I have a couple minutes to update you on what I've been up to the last few hours. I slept like a log like I always do, been listening to a lot of music lately, its not a coping mechanism don't worry, I just love music. I can sing fairly well but its a hobby I like to keep private, I hate flaunting things I happen to be good at.

I don't have much plans today other than school and sleeping so ill probably end up rambling about random stuff later since I've nothing better to do.

My Alexa isn't playing my music for some reason, ill probably have to plug her in and out again. Its a common issue with Alexa owners.

I'm home now and my mother is making homemade chips.

My sister and I are planning on making some pancakes later, it should be fun.

I am thinking about making other stuff on here, other than this journal, maybe a ''Things that annoy me'' gmi? Yeah, Ill make that now.

Its basically a quarter past seven now and I've been on founder for ages, just making new files and updating others.

Also if anyone would like to chat I'm free to talk whenever, just email me at heidioleary00@gmail.com and we can exchange socials whenever.

22/2/23

I had to re-do my English homework because I didn't understand what we had to do and of course I done it wrong, I redid it and I'm fairly happy with it now. My hand hurts though.

My science CBA is almost completed, I just have to draw out a graph and write out my conclusion and I should be done pretty quickly. Its not due for like 2 more weeks so I'm surprised with my speed.

I need to figure out if I have Irish homework or not since, knowing me, I didn't write it in my journal. I've completed the rest of my homework though.

Talking to a good friend, I might be going to a concert with them, very excited right now. It all depends on if my mother says yes and if R's dad will drive us to Dublin and back.

Guess whos going to a concert? ME BABY WOOOOO

My family is fighting again but I dont care, IM GOING TO A CONCERT BABYYYY

23/2/23

Watching South Park cause I woke up a little bit earlier than usual.

I got home from school about an hour ago and I'm currently on call with R, like always.

24/2/23

I'm so excited to make burgers in Home-Eco, we haven't made anything in like 3 months because of our CBA. I hope it goes well, chances are, my home eco partner will probably put tons of toppings on them.

22/3/23

Im alive, I just sorted through my english copies and made them look a tad bit neater, I glued the not needed pages together and now it looks bulky but I do not care.

Been talking to a good friend everyday in which im excited about, I love when people talk to me.

28/3/23

Ive been talking to many people throughout the past few days and Ive been really happy.

Ive been chatting with C quite a lot and I honestly love them, we talk about school and how crazy my mam is with all of her Easter decorations. It's impossible to not smile while chatting with them.

31/3/23

Schools out for 2 weeks bitches.

Hugged C before I left school, I was almost out of my locker area before I turned around to hug them, good choice me, good choice.

Going to Rs house tomorrow along with 3 other people for a sleepover, im so excited, this week went by so quickly for me so that just made it better. It was Rs birthday so of course I got something sentimental with meaning behind it. Who would I be if I didnt do that.

My sisters going to England for 8 days which leaves me with my mam and her bf, I can already tell im going to be at my friends houses as much as possible.

The left side of my nose has been blocked for like 2 months, weird.

Im speaking with my principle soon if a specific thing happens again, basically something has been going on the past 2 years and im clearly fed up to the point I dont even care but if it happens 1 more time, yeah no im talking to him.

I gotta sneeze but I cant.

3/4/23

I made some new friends at the sleepover I mentioned a couple od days ago in which im very happy about.

I wonder who actually reads this here, im curious to who likes reading about my life and thoughts, it intrigues me.

My stomach hurts because I just drank milk. I happen to be Lactose intolerant.

Yknow playing Red Dead Redemption 2 was probably one of the best decisions of my entire life, I wouldn't be who I am now if it wasn't for that game, and yes that sounds weird but its true.

This blog is getting quite long, should I made a blog 2.0?

I made a random thoughts page just incase anyone wanted to read stupid stuff.

5/4/23

Im bored and have nothing to do, my sister is in England for a week, my mum has work everyday and all my friends are somehow busy, I have some friends coming over during the week and I hope they like doing nothing cause my house is boring.

I made a lot of progress on rdr2 online, I've been trying to up my rank on the Collector role, it's a slow process but it pays off in rewards and exp.

The light is peeping through the side of my curtain and it's really annoying.

Had a good chat with E earlier. A new quote was created, the 3 p's: penis, pussy, peace.

God damn that's beautiful.

11/4/23

I think I should start my Cbas now, im unsure though, the spanish one is going to be crazy to remember.

For some reason im always awake before all my friends, even if I wake up at 11 they are still asleep so ive just been waiting.

8/6/23

Fuck its been a while, heres a little update on my crazy/boring life:

So E and I stopped being best-friends about 2 months ago, nothing major happened, no fights or stuff like that, we both just didn't really enjoy being around eachother anymore, she started to become quite mean and always made random comments or just didn't pay attention to anything I would say, she just stopped putting in effort, so I knew I had to speak up, short story short E has now moved away from here, I wish her all the best there and I know shes going to be okay no matter what happens, ill still just be one text away.

Besides that I have found myself a new friend group and im happy to say im a valued member now, said groups contains the following: A, R,B,S,R,J,M, E sometimes, and of course, me H. I adore them all endlessly. I have made the most memories with A, B, R and S since we are the most talkative and stay up very late for no reason whatsoever. We have plans to go camp in a random field in which im very hyper about, the next day we will be going to Dublin for a parade.

Im unsure if ive mentioned the dark parts of my life before on here, for im not a very open person when it comes to my personal life, I rather just have fun and not let my life get the better of me, but lets just say, my house isn't a home anymore, and now that I think about it, it never was. Words cannot even describe my mother anymore, for she isn't a very "good" mother, and we all know I happen to be fatherless, my mothers never home so its just myself and my sister, we had to raise ourselves basically. I had to teach myself everything I know, and if I were to ever have children, id never let them even catch a glimpse of what my childhood was like, id never want anyone to experience neglect.

10/6/23

My birthday is in 12 days, im not too excited to be honest, I never really am. Although I do like the feeling of telling people im that age.

Didn't do much today, got a good bit of cleaning done and a couple quick workouts to keep me active, when the weather picks back up again ill be back to my usual routine, exploring anything because my mams not home to stop me, I might start a page on what I find during my adventures actually.

Praying someone comes online, majority of my friends are busy doing probably regretable things but hey im no different.

I signed someones boobs at a concert yesterday, that was fucking hot.

12/6/23

Started talking to an old friend again, we tend to like not talk randomly and then just continue where we left off at random times and its never awkward. I like it.

I should probably text him now.

Almost dying at a quote from Bojack Horseman on Netflix. That show ruined me but made me a better person at the same time.

15/6/23

My plans with friends are creeping closer which makes me excited but the days are fairly slow at the moment considering I do the same thing everyday. My choices are limited since im home alone like all the time.

Found it difficult to sleep last night but I got there eventually. I was busy playing Pavlov on my Oculus so that probably made me more awake than I should've been. I actually really like Pavlov, not to brag but im really good at it, I could hop into a server and within 10 minutes im on top of the leader board with most kills and people coming up to me for help if they are being bothered by someone spawn-killing them or if they just want me to finish someone off. It feels good to be complimented once and a while. And the funniest thing is, none of the people on Pavlov can tell its a GIRL whos beating all their asses.

All this talk of Pavlov makes me want to play it now, but I gotta shower and stuff first, cold showers are one of my favourite things.

I was going to make a gmi on another topic but im afraid I have forgotten what it was meant to be.

You know the plans I was talking about with friends a few days ago? Yeah some of them might not be able to make it. Fuck man I was so excited but they are still gonna try come.

Ive always been chatting with C btw, im aware I never speak about her much but I just wanted to clarify that she is still one of my favourite people and I always check in with her when I can, shes literally amazing.

17/6/23

Had a very good few days at Rs house and she is now my gym buddy.

Speaking of the gym, yes I started to go there everyday now, it feels really good to finally be doing something for myself and not anyone else yknow. My trainer got me a good gym plan to follow and told me how many weights to do on the machines and all that, she complimented my strength many times and I even asked her could I make it a bit harder. She said "Jesus H ur quare strong for someone who doesn't do sports"

I laughed and we moved on to some other potiental things I could add in to really pump things up.

I cannot wait to see my progress.

My trainer says I already have a really good body for someone my age and I dont need to improve, but as my mother says "You can always improve, no matter what your skill levels are"

Just came back upstairs after watching a movie, now im scrolling on my phone, thats probably the only thing im gonna be doing today since ive already done my gym stuff and ive got nothing else.

24/6/23

Just arrived home from a sleepover. It was amazing, they set it up for my birthday (22nd) and they even made me a personal cake with my fav meme on it. We proceeded to watch Titanic after we ate since I hadnt seen it yet and I accidentally took a 50min nap on As shoulder. She didnt mind and when we actually went to bed, which was 5am, I fell asleep again on her shoulder with her head resting on mine. It was nice. I dont usually feel as safe with people that easily. I got a solid 27 minutes of sleep before my body decided its time to rise again. I woke up first, then A in which I woke up with my arm stretched across her chest and her arm on top of my other arm. Not gonna lie I was stuck. She woke up shortly after and we waddled around the kitchen searching for food like mice, thats when we saw the wonderful cake from yesterday. Of course I made tea with it, what am i, a maniac?

I eventually had to go and I hugged everyone goodbye. Gave A a good long hug, Gave R a bro hug, and B a besties hug to match their personalities. I am now home in my kitchen I didnt miss. And I also forgot the cake.

3/7/23

Got a lot of news to tell you today.

I have a cat now, her names Jess but of course I have like a million nicknames, she's 10 weeks old and actually adores cuddles and sleep, she's like me! She's a fully black cat with beautiful green eyes and the tiniest bit of white on her chest. She was found in a bush and she's like my child now.

I hung out with my best friends yesterday, A, B and R, and i'm actually seeing B again tomorrow, we watched Titanic cause it's like a tradition to watch it everytime we hang out, I sat down and was immedietly grabbed by A for a cuddle, I'ts impossible not to fall asleep on her like shes too comfy. Normally i'm the one whos like holding people in cuddles so it was nice to be held and stuff this time.

I've actually been very sick the past few days so that cuddle helped me heal to be honest. I've been taking stuff to help and i'm happy to say i'm almost fully better, just a bit sniffly and less concentrated, other than that i'm right as rain and ready to do some gym workouts tomorrow.

No big plans for this week other than gym shit each day and maybe a sleepover with B cause she really needs company in this moment. I'm glad to be her emotional support.

10/7/23

Thought i'd come on here once again and give a little update.

I'll be staying in my cousins for a week due to my mother going to Germany, i'll be bored out of my mind but hey at least im closer to the gym.

I talk to B like all day everyday now she's literally my favourite person ever, she's the only one i'll open up to and she's just so amazing like I can't even describe it to you. There is no words I can use to help sum up how great she is. I seen her like 4 days last week it was insane, we went to a shit ton of places, I snook on a bus with her to another town, I met her wonderful family, we nearly went broke in a resteraunt. I'ts always a joy being around her.

15/7/23

I was meant to stay in my cousins for just a week with my uncle while my mams in Germany but it turns out I'll have to stay another week since my cousin isn't in fit enough shape to fly home. I don't mind staying here cause I get fed well and am allowed to do pretty much whatever I please.

I stayed in Rs house the other night, it was really fun, I got to dye his hair blue and have dinner with his mother and grandparents. I surprisingly wasn't nervous to eat infront of them. I'll be staying in his house again on Monday night. I'll update you on what happens.

Right now im dying to go buy a journal to write everything that happens during each day, because if anything happens to me, it will all be there, told in my words.

11/9/23

Sadly i think this will be my last post on flounder, I dont need to write a blog anymore.