The Stupidest Film Adaptation - The Mysterious Island (2005)

With Patrick Stewart, Kyle MacLachlin and Gabrielle Anwar, can you go wrong? Yes, apparently you can make the worst garbage ever!

I love Jules Verne's 'Mysterious Island'. I grew up with it, and I was probably 8 or so when I first read it. I've enjoyed re-reading it over the years, gaining something with every read. It is an inspiration for any self-respecting nerd!

God, where do I start? It is rarely that I have nothing good to say about a movie. Literally everything is wrong with it! It is so bad that the Roku channel has a Spanish version running as if it was in English (with English listed as the only language), and no one complained, apparently. Because I was probably the only person trying to watch it on purpose.

Patrick Stewart is cast as an Indian, Captain Nemo. I thought we stopped doing that kind of stuff last century! I mean, there are plenty of Indian actors out there. I love Peter Sellers in 'The Party' but that was more than 50 years ago!

The rest of the characters are a mess. Cyrus and Neb are thugs with severe issues. Nemo spends all his time trying to manipulate Cyrus into providing engineering services (?), and has no interest in becoming the benefactor of the Americans. For some reason there are two women characters, apparently so that the men can rescue them from giant insects.

Yes, instead of developing characters and following their amazing technological progress from nothing to a comfortable civilized mini-society, there are GIANT INSECTS to keep your attention! Giant ants to attack the ladies!

Verne's book handles the subject of slavery with great tact. Neb is every bit a member of the crew, and is never referred to in a particularly terrible way, for the time. In the movie, he is a violent thug, ready to kick ass. It's really awful.

To be honest, I lasted less than the first half hour of this two-part Hallmark movie. I just couldn't stand it anymore!

It is completely unwatchable. But, if you want to get stoned and get a good laugh, it will do.

Posted in: s/Sci-Fi

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Jan 26 · 4 months ago · 👍 lufte, norayr