o.f. woke up next to me this morning after a night of hellish emotion and sadness.

back to all the things that go unspoken.

we went to tompkins square bagels and were cordial, but the undertone felt like, to me, it could be one of the last happy times we ever spend together.

it dawned on me far too many times while i was in line waiting with her:

i'm the reason this all happened. my pursuit of her could have ended months ago. she wanted that pursuit, no doubt, but it didn't end up working out like i thought it could. my optimism failed me. my projection of what i wanted failed me.

after, i spoke on the phone with b.c., and he seems to be doing well. doing college-age shit, like he should. like i probably would (to an extent) if i had any remotely close connection to college-age people.

went to washington square park where an old indian man with a stomach as round and protruding as a thinkpad trackball showed me his amazing photo of a rainbow in the fountain. he was very proud of it. i wasn't his only audience member.

then, i met an incredible group of young people selling sweatshirts. maddie, brendan, e, jake, and gardner. they were all wonderful, happy, and energetic. the sweatshirts were awesome, too. i bought one for double their asking price, took some photos, and went on my merry way.

another friend i made in the park, t.v., invited me to a get-together in brooklyn, where i met all sorts of interesting characters, including patrick (flamboyant and confident, almost too much), danny (not from la, wore a dodgers hat today and a yankees hat yesterday), olivia (from chitown, somehow fits in), kori (from dallas, looked like wendy's), andrea (looked like a botez sister), blake (with the bike), sage (with the star eyeliner), ripley (who i've met before and is either too good for everyone or always on drugs, probably both), leo (with great big hair and excited about my work experience, excited to be in design), and a few others that i'll fail to remember.

what a great group.

ty, his friend olivia, and i spent the rest of the evening strolling around the city.