love, as it turns out, might just be a collected history between two people that makes them more equipped to do life together. it's why high school sweethearts often succeed more than you'd expect.

i used to tell l.a., my first real girlfriend:

we have to tell each other lots of things ,because it's that tiny bit of context that further connects the rest of our lives. we bought in to that, we shared so much, and felt very close and loving.

i don't remember how i broke up with her, only that it seemed like the right thing to do, it hurt her very much to hear, and i got over it quickly.

l.a. and i might always have a chance of falling back in love because we share a history, one neither of us will easily forget.

so, too, i can build a history with other people that strengtthens the relationship immensely. i think this as o.f. and i hold hands in an uber down avenue c back to my apartment. she is having extreme cramps from what we believe to be a u.t.i., which we are both painfully aware could turn into a kidney infection if not treated correctly.

i remember, with the yellow lights shining in on us from the street, thinking:

"this is someone's daughter. two parents in chicago made this person who is now wtith me in this car, could be in some health danger, and if nothing else, someone is here to help her."

this isn't just o.f., it's someone very, very important. as everyone should be treated — it just happens that now is my moment to give her all the attention she deserves from me.

and that experience and attention makes us feel closer.

i thought, many times throughout the night, that i might tell o.f. that i loved her, and i was held back strongly by some feeling. i am not sure what or why.