hi kids!!!

I haven't sat my ass down on the armchair for some time now, so let's do it why not.

there is a very curious relationship between physical things, their names, and the way we perceive them. physical things that remain stable in a given form are by definition completely static entities (as soon as they change they become transformed into something else, which may or may not still hold similarities to the old thing.) names are... complicated, and their relationship to physical objects and the way words evolve and interrelate over time to describe them is extraordinarily complex and far beyond the scope of this post, I guess... to be fair I have no clue what the scope of this post is supposed to be- ANYWAY, the way we perceive things is probably something rooted much deeper than language in our nature. after all, other animals clearly perceive things without having words for them.

the funny thing about perception is that it is highly volatile; even if a given physical object and its name remain completely unchanged, it is possible for your perception of it to shift completely in a matter of seconds.

subjective experience appears to be fundamentally subject to impermanence. I'm not entirely sure whether this is a good thing to be honest. sometimes it's a bit terrifying to lose something you dearly treasured to the whims of your awareness, but then again I guess you wouldn't really feel new stuff without this mechanism. you never really notice when you feel new things though, because it's a gradual process. loss, on the other hand, is sudden, and often painful. I guess you don't really realize what you have before it's too late.

sometimes the extent to which we associate emotional value to physical objects and ideas may seem rather silly, but it fundamentally alters your relationship with them, even if your Rational Computermaschine Mind derives only logically sound proofs in precise steps out of True axioms (lol). anyway, I once started writing a gemlog post about precisely that (or one particular instance of it) but I never got around to finishing it, cause I'm a lazy useless no good oxygen spender >.>

of course subjective perception goes beyond emotional response, but that's by and large its most important facet (in my humble opinion.)

I miss ignorance, because then I was happy. but of course I've probably forgotten that THEN I was also missing ignorance from when I was happy before that. I do not know how far back the cycle goes, but presumably pretty far. one day I may miss today, because I am ignorant of whatever new terrifying discovery I will make in the future. and yet I don't feel like I got that much to lose.

this is especially true of sleep. I may be caught in some sorta qntm style cycle about learning of all the horrible effects of sleep and then desperately trying to forget them until I suceed and start all over again.

Unforgettable, That's What You Are by qntm

uhhh I wanted to say more things I think but I don't even know where I am anymore.

stay safe kids, safety first. and take care. and shit.