delusions of grandeur

current mood: erratic

ohh no. here it comes again FUCK.

















alright, calm down, calm down come on.


none of that is real. it's all a vague delusion, THIS is real. it's real and
it's okay. you've made far more progress than you could have possibly hoped for
one month ago. it is real and it's okay. it's all gonna be okay. it's all gonna
be okay. it's all gonna be okay.

written close to realtime -- or at least that's more or less when the words popped fully formed into my head. I scrambled to get the keyboard, plug it into the laptop, turn it on, input the disk passphrase... all the while desperately clinging to the words. they made it safely to computer memory it seems.

I feel far calmer now. I have proper relapsed on the grandiose delusions again, but now they're in the background; they don't control me. I'm not as free as I would like perhaps, as I sometimes am, but that's okay. I can live with that. it's good enough. it's all gonna be okay.

it's all gonna be

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