world war 3 is coming.

zelensky is right; what's the purpose of the security council, if not for the very thing that's happening in ukraine? putin is invading, committing war crimes. this is it, this is what it was made for: a response—any response, to end what has been going on for far too long already.

shit is about to get very real.

i chewed my nails down too far again.

i just pray for peace, if anyone's listening.

what can i do? i watch meetings, read articles, read books. everything comes back to this. i donate, i talk about it. what else can i do?

i remember when i worked at target; two ukrainian women worked in soft line (just ... clothes, you know) and i had just gotten my diagnosis, so management stuck me on the phones in the fitting room. i wasn't that far behind in russian, but i was a horrible procrastinator, so i'd often find myself drifting between texting and working on my homework at the desk. (really, people just wanted to know how late we were open 'til.)

they were lovely. just two redheaded motherly women, helping me with some russian words for the couple of days that i cared; my teenage arrogance disregarding their own language, one that had been forged with human blood and, at one point, banned. i, like all 19-year-olds, didn't care enough and was too dumb to realize the treasure trove of learning before me, to take the opportunity and learn ukrainian from two people offering to teach me. my goodness.

history repeats itself. and there's still things happening outside of eastern europe that are certainly just as worthy of attention, but i think due to the political stage on which the russian invasion has taken place, i honestly think the u.s. will be pushed into a conflict, regardless what our feelings are. i hope i'm wrong, i really do. this timeline has been a shock, for sure.

and who the fuck am i? i'm just watching this happen online.

watching the u.n. general council statements was enraging. the russian ambassador for the security council can clearly speak english; he was waiting for the translator to finish their false talking points before resuming his speech. it was really disgusting to watch. it was enough to make me write to oh-so-helpful politicians who continue to just refer to this as a "humanitarian crisis." yes, it is; one caused by a tyrant.

this has been consuming my thoughts lately; especially weighing on my shoulders, my guilt for such luxuries like going on vacation. i know it's my anxiety about global uncertainty—my therapist has me going through the pamphlet now—but why does it feel like i should be preparing for something?

i apologize, my love; i hope you don't find me grandstanding. i'm only remembering the timelines i've walked through of museums; how wars are measured. i think about my former ukranian coworkers, my russian friends. i hope for our futures, for all of us.

i love you, whoever you are.

pour another?