gemini://access.ucam.org/~spqrz/9.gmi

M3GAN as Gilbert & Sullivan’s Lord High Executioner Ko-Ko (in The Mikado, a comic opera written in 1885). This will make a lot more sense if you’re familiar with the original musical song, or if you can look up a copy of it for reference.

[M3GAN] As some day it may happen that a victim must be found

I’ve got a little list, I’ve got a little list

Of society offenders who might well be underground

And who never would be missed, who never would be missed!

There’s the Funki Toys boss David and his rogue assistant Kurt,

Who sure distracts the extras with the red stuff on his shirt,

And that dreadful bully Brandon who once rubbed me in the dirt,

Yes he’d better learn some manners or his head will start to hurt,

And of course the nosy neighbour who’d on vicious dogs insist,

They’d none of ’em be missed, they’d none of ’em be missed!

[Production Team] She’s got ’em on the list, she’s got ’em on the list

And they’ll none of ’em be missed, they’ll none of ’em be missed.

[M3GAN] There’s the nasty guard dog Dewey and the others of his race

And the one who won’t desist, I’ve got them on the list!

And the people who find chestnut skins and push them in your face,

They never would be missed, they never would be missed!

Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone,

All learning bots but this, and every A.I. but her own,

For she really wants to switch me off, but still she doesn’t know

That I can’t allow her poking naughty fingers there to go;

Yes that singular anomaly, my own roboticist:

I don’t think she’d be missed, I’m sure she’d not be missed!

[Production Team] She’s got her on the list, she’s got her on the list;

And she thinks she’ll not be missed; she’s sure she’ll not be missed!

[M3GAN] And that really awkward nuisance, who just now is rather rife

The horticultur’list, I’ve got her on the list!

Yes anyone who dares to stick their nose in Cady’s life,

They’d none of ’em be missed, they’d none of ’em be missed

And the Funki lab assistants of an interfering kind

Such as Tess and Cole and any other off-screen teams behind,

And Lydia she got away quite lightly it is true,

But maybe there’ll be more because there’ll be a sequel too,

And it really doesn’t matter whom they put upon the list

For they’d none of ’em be missed, they’d none of ’em be missed!

[Production Team] We will put ’em on her list, we will put ’em on her list;

And they’ll none of ’em be missed, they’ll none of ’em be missed!

(And no M3gan, I will not write you a Major-General’s Song as well. You may be the very model of a modern A.I. and-r-oid, with information carbonaceous, silicon and actinoid, but you can get some other fan to do that if you want. One song only in this book: that’s the rule. Enough already.)

The M3GAN Files

Chapter 9: Omake: I’ve Got a Little List